


Fresh Blood

by Skye_La



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Captain Hook | Killian Jones Bashing, Dark Emma, Dark One's Dagger, Dream Sex, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Manipulation, POV Regina, Robin Hood Bashing, Slow Build Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:09:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4597497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skye_La/pseuds/Skye_La
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been two weeks since Emma's sacrifice. Regina's dreams of her have turned dark and darken more when Emma returns to the town.</p><p>---</p><p>"You feel guilty" <i>Obviously</i>. She suppresses an eye roll "You think you deserve to be punished for what happened to Emma. That could explain why someone who cares so much about you is now hurting you in your dreams"</p><p><i>'They're not just dreams' </i>she almost says, rubbing her sore skin. Emma's teeth. </p><p>Archie is still talking but she is lost in her thoughts again. Emma's hands snaking around her waist, strong and groping. The depth of her eyes with all their pain, all their passion reflecting it back into her own. They don't feel like dreams.</p><p>---</p><p>Dubcon but tagged as non-con for safety. Does include Robin and Hook but neither particularly favourably. If you're into CS or OQ, this is not for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading load of Coalitiongirl fics recently and thought I'd try one in the present tense. Feedback welcome!
> 
> I'm aiming for like 15k words, so about 6 chapters.

Regina is woken by a soft voice and rough hands.

"Hey, it's just a dream, it's just a dream" he says

She opens her eyes and for a moment she is still in it, she doesn't know him. Robin. He wraps his arms around her, it's not what she wants but for some reason she lets him. Maybe she has no fight left in her, or maybe she will just take any comfort she can get. Neither feel like her. A laugh rings in her ears and fresh tears rolls down her face.

"You're ok" he says. 

When he finally lets go she slides shakily from the bed. The silk night dress clings to her skin and she grips the corner post of the bed just in case. She can feel him watching her walk stiffly to the bathroom. She turns on all the lights and the fan and the shower and stands staring at the mirror. Her body isn't bruised but it hurts. Her fingers slide up her arm. Sensitive patches of skin scream out at her touch.

She wipes her eyes again and stares unseeing at her reflection. This time was not like the others. This was...dark. 

It's 4 o’clock in the morning. She steps into the shower and turns the temperature as far down as it will go. The laugh in her head grows quiet and she lets the last of her tears wash away.

-

"Archie, I need an emergency session today. I'll see you at 9am." She dithers over whether to sign it as "Regina" or "Mayor Mills". In their sessions he uses her name. She leaves it unsigned and sends.

"I thought you might come back to bed" Robin says dozily, rubbing his eyes as he enters the kitchen. She doesn't know what to say, she hasn't thought about him since she got up three hours ago. She hasn’t thought about anything but...

"Breakfast?" She asks, trying to wipe the nightmare from her mind. She has already made it, prepped dinner, packed Roland and Henry’s lunches and cleaned the kitchen twice. They eat in silence until Henry appears.

"Morning Mom" he says sleepily, his hair brushed down but for a violent protest at the back.

She abandons the piece of toast she was thinking of eating and hugs him tightly. He lets her, his concern growing with every second she hangs on longer than usual. She kisses his face too and he smiles. 

"How did you sleep?" He asks. Her smile falters and he doesn't miss it.

"No worse than usual" she says. He frowns. He can see the lie in the shadows under her eyes. "Well, not much worse anyway" she corrects and lets him go.

-

"How was this dream different from the others?" Archie asks at 9.06am.

She sits stiffly in the chair, partly because of her deep discomfort at being counselled by Archie, former cricket, and partly because her invisible bruises are too sore to let her relax.

"She..." She begins. How can she explain what was different? Her dreams have featured Emma since she first came to Storybrooke. Often in the early years she had to defend herself or Henry or something that was hers against her, in later years they worked together or she featured as a friend. Sometimes she featured as more than a friend and Regina feared those dreams most of all. 

They did not talk about the deep connection between them. It was best not to for everyone's sake. And Emma had Hook now anyway. And she had her soulmate. Therefore, she rationalised, her romantic interest in Emma must be purely physical, and she would overcome it. Sometimes her dreams felt so real she had to avoid Emma for days under the pretence of work, her mind wandering back to her mouth, the feel of her skin between her teeth or the things she did with her tongue-

Archie slurps his coffee and Regina's mind hurtles back to the present.

"She was different" she says eventually "dark and...cruel"

Archie nods "Why do you think that might be?"

"Because I'm worried about her, and she's the dark one now and I'm...responsible"

"Regina, you're not responsible. Emma acted on her own"

"She did not!" She’s so fucking sick of people saying that, nullifying any responsibility they had for the pressure Emma was under "She did what we have trained her to do, to sacrifice for everyone else. We've been telling her she's the saviour!" She almost shouts " _'It's in your nature, it's your destiny'_ she's this towns goddamn insurance policy!"

Archie watches her over his hands, fingertips pressed together. "May I tell you what I think the reason for this change could be?"

She breathes out her frustration in a huff and nods.

"You feel guilty" _Obviously._ She suppresses an eye roll "You think you deserve to be punished for what happened to Emma. That could explain why someone who cares so much about you is now hurting you in your dreams"

'They're not just dreams' she almost says, rubbing her sore skin. Emma's teeth. 

Archie is still talking but she is lost in her thoughts again. Emma's hands snaking around her waist, strong and groping. The depth of her eyes with all their pain, all their passion reflecting it back into her own. They don't feel like dreams.

"That's just what I see" Archie says. "May I ask about Robin?"

"What about him?" she almost jumps at his name

"Do you talk about this with him?"

"No! I mean, he knows I have nightmares but not...he doesn't.." She struggles to find the words and feels sick. 

"That's ok" Archie says "it's a personal thing, no one can tell you what you should and shouldn't share. It's good to have clear boundaries with partners."

He pauses. She senses something awkward coming in the way he doesn't fidget, suppressing nervousness by not doing anything. 

"You don't have to answer these questions but they may be worth thinking about. When was the last time you and Robin...spent time together?" She frowns and he soldiers on. "When was the last time you let off some steam? Pent up frustration can-"

"Doctor Hopper" she cuts through his speech "this is not up for discussion"

They don't, they haven't since Emma... She's too guilty, too sad, too lost to stand it. She sits quietly for a while longer before leaving.

-

She runs her fingers down the flat side of the blade. 

EMMA SWAN 

It has been two weeks and she still can't believe it. If Emma saw it she would probably think the writing looked like the Harry Potter font and think it was cool, if it wasn't the Dark One’s dagger.

"Where are you?" She whispers to no one.

She has hardly slept, hardly eaten, hardly spoken to anyone but Henry and Rumple who is still in hospital recovering.

_  
_

Hook screamed and shouted that he should have the dagger because she loved him. 'She loves all of us' Snow had reminded him as she stared at the dagger on the ground and David placed himself between it and Hook. Regina had stood facing away from them all. 

"You idiot" she whispered to the night with closed eyes and hands pushing hair back from her face "you complete and utter idiot. Why? Why did you do that? You..."

"Regina" Snow had called her back with sadness and numbness ringing in her voice "you should take it. You're the only one who can keep it safe enough"

So she took it. She holds it every day, disgusted at the darkness raging within it and the way it stirs darkness within her, but it is part of Emma now and she needs any connection she can get. She locks it away in the safe in her room as Robin enters. She seals it with magic and replaces the mirror over it.

"What's that?" he asks

"I moved the dagger, my vault wasn't safe enough" she replies. His face falls but she doesn't comment on it. She is staring into the mirror, thinking about the dagger.

"You can't keep that in the house!" He declares. Her frown deepens.

"It's the safest place for it. You know the house is protected"

"You can’t protect anything from the bloody Dark One. What's wrong with the vault?!" He asks

"Here is safer" she says, her calmness clashing with his panic.

"You can't be serious” he says though he can see that she is. She doesn't answer. "I'm not comfortable with it being here"

"I'm not comfortable with it being anywhere else" she replies and walks out of the room.

"I won't have Roland sleeping in the same place as it!" he calls, following her to the landing

"This house is the safest place in Storybrooke" she replies "are you thinking of Roland's safety, or your own?"

Dark One or not, Emma Swan would never willingly hurt a child. Robin, however she has a distinct distaste for, which they have never discussed because, well they don't talk about it.

"How dare you question my priorities. We don't all have a child with the Dark One" he spits, making it sound perverse. He stalks down the stairs away from her. 

She watches him go. Does she even care? God, she's so tired. She can't remember the last time she slept without waking feeling like Emma had been right with her, or listening to thunder and lightning as unseasonal storms batter the town each night.

Evening comes eventually and she has to sleep. A glass of applejack might help. Two more on top of it might help more. She hasn't felt this awful since... _'shots?_...'

"Where are you?" She asks the darkness before climbing her stairs that feel like a mountain tonight. She slides into bed beside Robin, who seems to have swallowed the presence of the dagger for now. Silly, indecisive Robin. He throws a heavy arm over her and she waits.

-

Thick bass thrums through her. It's dark and heady. So powerful it seems to beat her heart for her. She's walking but she doesn't know where to. There are people all around her but none notice her. They seem blurred, grey and faceless. There is only one thing she can see clearly. It's Emma.

Everything is slow motion. She dances in the crowd, though no one around her comes close. Light seems to catch her pale skin, or is it coming from her?

She's getting closer, watching Emma's form like her movements are creating the music itself. Her hips swing and Regina's mouth goes dry. She turns, arms up, hair cascading across her face and smiling. Regina's heart seizes. She tries to speak but no sound comes out. 

She's so close she could touch her. Emma is facing away and backs into her. Regina doesn't move, can't move, she's frozen. Emma's body slides down her and up again before she turns.

Regina is on fire. Her heart aches at the sight of her. Emma presses into her, rolling with the music, she felt her breasts against her own. She feels her breath on her lips. If she could move she would close the tiny gap between their mouths in a second. She's burning to grab hold of her, to taste her, to make her know she is wanted. But she can't move. Emma is still moving to the beat against her. A leg slide between Regina's and she gasps. Emma is looking down but she still sees her smirk with a shadow of a dimple. Regina strains against everything holding her still. Why can't she move? She feels Emma's hands slide up her thighs to her waist. She curls around her and her hands follow. Her hips, her ass, up her side as Emma emerges from behind her again.

Emma whispers her name and licks the curve of her ear. She would shiver if she could move at all. All she can do is continue staring at the woman in front of her. Emma breathes in her perfume and slides a hand around her neck. Her grip is firm as she turns Regina's face away. The touch of skin on skin and sudden movement feels like relief in itself. Her head is back, she's exposed. She feels Emma's teeth at her neck. She feels rather than hears Emma groan. She notices her heartbeat for the first time, banging like her life is ending. Emma bites into her and it hurts like nothing she has felt before. Her teeth grind together. What she would do to her if she could get free. 

Emma’s grip on her face hurts as she pulls it down to meet hers.

"I like the way you taste, your majesty" she says with a grin. Blood drips from the corner of her mouth and she licks it away.

"Regina!" Her eyes snap open. She tastes blood, her neck is screaming in pain. She tries to touch it but Robin is on top of her holding her wrists, palms down into the bed. They have done this before, he has learned.

"You were dreaming. It was a dream. You're ok" he says firmly. The pain in her neck is not subsiding and she struggles beneath him, gasping for air.

"Mom?" Henry's voice cuts through the haze of pain and confusion. Robin sits back and she leaps from the bed. The door opens and Henry throws his arms around her. She feels the tension and pain begin to flow out of her body, as if he brings something that soothes her. Maybe she draws strength from him. Her little prince. Maybe it helps her to know there is a little piece of Emma with her in him, a piece that has stayed good, that will always be good.

"That's it" Robin climbs out of bed, tears the mirror from the wall and attempts to open the safe. Suddenly his body locks and he can't move.

"Don't you dare" Regina's voice rumbles like the thunder outside, but closer and more threatening. Henry stands behind her as she instinctively holds him back. Her other hand outstretched at Robin.

"Let me go, Regina. This dagger is making you-" he stops himself just short of something irredeemable, but not quite soon enough

"Making me what?" she grinds out, her hold on him tightening with no effort at all. Excess magic is radiating from her, she can feel it. Her nerves are shot and it rolls off her in waves. She could snap him in half with a flick of her wrist. He tries to speak but it comes out as a choke. Lightning illuminates the room for a split second.

"Mom!" Henry shouts from behind her and she stops immediately. Robin falls to the floor coughing.

She stares at him but sees Emma's smirk again. She can't feel Henry holding her shaking hand.


	2. Chapter 2

"You look awful" Snow says as she enters the diner. Regina’s brooding scowl meets her at the counter. The look on Snow’s face says it was not what she intended to say, rather that it fell out of her mouth. _Absolutely typical._

"Do you ever wonder where the Charmings got their name?" Hook asks playfully, earning a smirk from David as he brings up the rear.

"Constantly" Regina replies and turns back to her coffee for show rather than to drink it. 

"Sorry, it just slipped out" Snow says. David grimaces and her eyes widen as she realises what she has said. They wait for a blistering return from Regina about saying things she shouldn't, but it never arrives. 

Instead she rubs her temple. She's getting used to them, but at this time of the morning an onslaught of Charmings with that tag-along scoundrel is more than she is willing to put up with. It's 8.45 and it takes 3 minutes to walk to Archie's from the diner. She leaves and arrives at 8.47. 13 minutes early, Archie sees her anyway.

"Last night she hurt me worse than ever" she says with difficulty. Her throat is closing up as she drags the memory to the forefront of her mind. Archie listens patiently. "I couldn't move at all, I couldn't speak or defend myself"

"What would you have done if you could?" He asks  
 _  
Hurt her back. Torn her clothes off there and then, kissed her hard, told her things I could never take back, things that would ruin us both._ She swallows, aware Archie is watching her.

"What we always do" she says instead

"Which is?"

"Sex" she says with exasperation. He knows that. She’s only just comfortable with it as long as he knows it’s only frustration, anger, even hate, anything but what it really.

"Is it just sex?" He asks __

_We don't talk about it._

"And pain, recently" she says, feeling a jab of it in her chest, annoyingly close to her heart. He nods.

"Do you ever have agency in your dreams? Are you aware that you're dreaming?"

"I would say that I sometimes become aware. As for agency...I'm not sure"

"Some people find they can make decisions, consent, withhold consent etcetera" he says. He isn't looking at her as he says it. The implication is there and he doesn't take it further "Do you remember anything else about the dream? Where you were? What it looked like?"

She thought for a moment.

"It looked like the Rabbit Hole, but everyone was a blur. The world was grey apart from her. She was...iridescent." She was light itself and dark. She was the curse and the cure. 

-

She hasn't touched the dagger today. She wonders if she should, staring at it through the mirror.

"What are you doing?" Robin asks

"Checking on it"

"I thought this was the safest place in Storybrooke" he says, letting more resentment slip through in his tone than he should. She turns to him. "I just think you could try moving it to another room. I think is affecting your sleep. Last night you were..."

She waits. She knows what she was. She was deeper than ever. She felt everything. She could have killed him by accident if he hadn’t pinned down her hands.

"Since Emma...they’ve been bad but I've never seen you like that before. You were stiff as anything. You ground your teeth and at one point you grabbed your neck, I thought you were going to start clawing it. I'm worried about you"

_Me too,_ she thinks. Then she thinks about Emma's life, the resentments she has buried so deep in exchange for love, family and acceptance. All of it will come out. If she goes after anyone it will be The Charmings. She could hurt them, and while Regina likes to pretend it wouldn't bother her in the slightest, when the curse broke Emma would never forgive herself. She has to protect the dagger.

"I can't" she says and he sags a little.

"I'm worried you'll hurt yourself" he says. _Me too._ "I'm worried I won't be able to stop you next time. I think I'm going to take Roland out to the forest tonight."

"You think I'll hurt him?" She asks

"No" he replies and looks sheepish. She understands. If she hurt him there might be no one left to look after Roland. She understands and she forgives him. 

-

It's night again, so soon. It stretches out ahead of her. She tries Emma's method of meditation. She lies on her bed, head throbbing with things she doesn't want to think about and pushes it all away. A white room. She is in a white room. There is nothing to look at, nothing to touch, nothing to hear. When a thought encroaches she pushes it away. Noise is the hardest thing to block out. When Emma told her about her technique she said Cream's White Room often began playing 'because my mind can be an asshole'. Regina smiles thinking about it, then remembers Emma is not allowed in her room. She's glad she doesn't know the song. After a while she can't hear anything, can't see anything but white walls, her body relaxes and she falls into sleep.

She writhes on the bed, unaware that there is a hooded figure standing over her. Her hands scrunch into tight fists and pull the bed sheets. Her teeth are bared and she groans quietly. The figure turns away from her and looks into the mirror.

The dagger appears through it. A white hand reaches towards the glass. As the fingers touch it, it burns. The figure screams and recoils. It is gone in a second. Regina sits bolt upright, catching a flash of darkness and then it's gone.

She is at Henry's door in seconds. He is unhurt, sleeping soundly. Her heart starts to beat again and she hears distant thunder rumbling. She watches him sleep, her eyes trained on his slowly rising and falling chest while her mind reels through every possible answer for what just happened.

-

"Last night it was closer to the usual thing, not scary, it was in a bed" my bed "and she didn't hurt me" 

"Did you have agency?"

"I don't know" a chill ran down her spine as she tried to recall what she saw when she woke. She didn't want to tell him, what if he panicked?

She didn’t know if she had agency because she hadn’t tried to say no. The dream was them in bed. In her bed. Light streamed through the window and Emma’s hair was tied into the curly ponytail Regina would never admit she loved. So preppy, but twinned with her stupid jacket, boots and complete disregard for the rules of common courtesy, it was all Emma. Her white tank was gone in seconds and they were both down to their underwear with hands sliding over and under. Had it been a distraction? Ridiculous. For that to be the case someone would have to be controlling her dreams.

She realises she can’t tell Archie about the figure. She isn’t sure if it was a figment of her imagination. He seems to take the change in her dreams as making progress. She ends their session early in exchange for brooding by herself over coffee that she won’t drink.

The diner bell rings as she turns to find a table. The noise barely registers but she glances at the door out of habit. The woman standing there is tall, dressed in black, skin pale and hair tied up tightly. The smash on the floor is Regina's cup and saucer.

"Hi" she smiles at her and it's the most devastating thing she could have said. Just hi, like the day they first met, when Emma appeared like a lost puppy Henry had brought home and her first instinct was to kick. That’s not her instinct now. _Hi._

People seem scared and relieved in equal measure. They sit in silence waiting for someone else to do something. Regina walks quickly towards her, she reaches out wanting desperately to hug her but instead she grasps her upper arms. It is really her. She smells like Emma. She feels like Emma. Her arms curl up in response to hold hers as she smiles. They are almost nose to nose. Regina can't take enough of her face in. Her skin is pale and her eyes are crystal clear. There's something hard about them, something sharp. They cut into her like never before. 

"You're ok" Regina breathes and it’s unclear if that's a question or not. 

"Emma!" Other people gather around them and Regina steps back to let them. Her eyes still locked with Emma’s.

Snow emerges from the bathroom behind her and her attention snaps to the doorway. She hadn't recognised the tall black boots, black coat, hair pulled back. Regina realises what looks strange about her. Her unruly curls are nowhere to be seen. So much of her happy-go-lucky charm resides in those waves, but they are gone.

"Hey mom" she says, forcing her eyes away from Regina. It doesn't sound like her, but at the same time it does. She feels the loss of Emma's gaze like a cloud rolling across the sun, the world darkens.

Snow throws herself at her after only a moment of hesitation. Emma deserves a better welcome than this. A better reception. Why weren't they ready? Snow witters away. She isn't listening. She has the distinct impression that Emma isn't either, her head keeps turning back to her.

"More coffee, Madam Mayor?" Ruby asks. _Oh yes, the coffee._

"Sorry Ruby" she waves a hand and the cup and saucer appear mended on the counter, the coffee gone from the floor. "Yes please"

"Me too" says the voice that is not quite Emma. She has managed to tear herself away from the throng of people welcoming her back.

"Not hot chocolate?" Ruby smiles cheekily "on the house, with extra sprinkles?" 

Regina dislikes the way she speaks to her. She dislikes that Emma doesn't dislike it. Emma wets her lips.

"Another time? Black coffee please" she says

Ruby nods "bitter" she says absentmindedly as she turns to make it. Annoyance flashes across Emma’s face, missed by everyone but Regina. She watches her. She hasn't realised she's smiling. Emma is different but she's ok. _She's here. She's ok._

"So what have I missed, your majesty?" She asks

Your majesty? That's different. It's not her usual tone. She's not trying to get a rise out of her, she just...said it. Her neck throbs.

"I believe Widow Lucas is getting ready to start serving seasonal pumpkin pie" she says, the corner of her mouth curling slightly as she sips her fresh coffee. Emma must know that the only thing that has concerned them all for weeks is finding her.

Emma looks at her too intently. If she were the type to blush she would be as red as Ruby's cloak by now. Her eyes graze up and down her. She glances around, no one else has noticed. Emma's tongue is playing around her lips. Regina is too warm and suddenly aware of the number of buttons on her shirt, maybe she should do up another.

"Emma!" Snow calls her back over. She slides from the counter, her eyes leaving Regina's at the last possible moment. "Where have you been? I mean, you don't have to tell us if you don't want" Snow rambles

"I really don't know" she says, sounding more like Emma than she looks "I've been around. I don't remember"

"But you're ok?" Snow asks. Regina decides it's a stupid question and she's glad she didn't ask it.

Emma smiles in self deprecation "In a manner of speaking, I guess" __

_Idiots, all of them, she's the dark one, she isn't ok._ She slides into the booth opposite her and texts Henry. He is on the boat with Hook today. She doesn't think it's a good idea for Him to be here but Henry deserves to know immediately.

Snow fusses over her and David beams. They are both so happy to see her that they can't see what Regina can see. There’s something in her body language. Hunger, impatience. She's not herself. But she's here and she's alive and that's something. That's everything.

-

"Can Emma stay with us?" Henry asks 

Emma is in the bathroom. Snow and David are at the counter talking animatedly to Ruby. Hook is hovering somewhere in between.

"I don't know if she wants to, Henry"

"If she does?" He asks

"There's still a lot for us to talk about"

"Because she's the Dark One? I don't think she'd hurt us"

"No, I don't either sweetheart"

"Then what is it?" __

_We don't talk about it. The ease of being together, the empty feeling of being apart, the magnetism we haven't addressed and never can.  
_  
"It's complicated" easily the worst excuse to give a child, she knows. Henry's going to hate it but what else can she say? 'I'm worried we'll ruin our lives if she sleeps in our house'? She imagines Emma making herself comfortable on her sofa, boots kicked off in the hall next to Henry’s shoes, knocking on her bedroom door in the middle of the night. What would she do?

"Because of Robin?" He asks. She flinches. Did she say something out loud? 

"What?"

He shrugs "it's complicated because of Robin, right? He stays a lot. There would be too many people in the house" of course. Roland sleeps in the guest room. Her heart rate slows back to normal.

"I wouldn't count on Snow giving her up that easily" she says, watching her pounce on her again.

Henry sighs. She's relieved, not disappointed. Not at all, she tells herself as the image of Emma in her doorway in the middle of the night fades away.

-

Emma is part of Operation Beard as soon as she has finished laughing at Henry for the name. She watches Regina like they are sharing an inside joke they have never discussed, but neither can deny is pretty funny. Regina doesn't laugh.

"Merlin has a beard, everyone knows that!" He says

"Well, just because it's something 'everyone knows' doesn't make it true" Regina says

Emma stops laughing.

"Another round of coffee?" David asks, getting up from his desk. The station has become their base. Henry calls in OBHQ. 

"I'll take Henry home" Snow says and he leaves them reluctantly. Hook and David head out for a run to the diner, leaving her and Emma alone for the first time since she appeared yesterday.

She can almost hear the music again. Emma is wearing a long sleeve top of black lace. She can see her black bra through it and her tight trousers show off her exact shape. She hadn't noticed the way the air crackles with tension before. Emma steps towards her and closes the gap impossibly quickly. 

"Hi" she says. Regina's heart feels like it melts all over again.

"Emma" she warns. They are far too close, far, far too...Emma takes her hand and looks at it for a moment, like she's trying to remember something.

"I missed you" she says. It's simple and it hurts. The way she's looking at her hurts too. Like she can see every late night, every skipped meal, every tear shed over her in secret. "You look like you could use some tlc" she says, her breath tickling her skin.

“Stop, it’s too much. It’s too…” Regina feels the darkness calling out to her like a siren’s song. Intoxicating and she's too close. Emma’s thumb brushes her cheek.

"Emma" she says, resisting with everything she has. This is real. Emma is the Dark One. Her boundaries are less important to her now, but for all their sakes this can't happen.

"Yes" she says, nudging Regina's nose with her own. It's intimate, cute even. Why is she resisting again? Emma leans into her. She realises they're against a wall. Her jacket is gone. Emma's hands are sliding around her waist, down her bum and pulling them closer together.

Emma hums and smiles in anticipation and Regina forgets everything. 

"No" she says, but she can't remember why. Anger flashes across Emma's face. Her lip curls nastily. For a moment Regina doesn't recognise her. _That's why._ She returns to neutral.

“Let me take care of you” Her hands rub down her arms. She feels her willing them to wrap around her but they don’t. 

“No…”

"Please, your majesty" Emma whispers. She sinks to her knees in front of her "let me help you"  
 _  
Fuck, why am I saying no? There was a reason..._ Emma's hands slide to the fastening of her trousers. 

"I can make you happy, your majesty" Emma purrs "I'll make it better, my queen". Regina's resistance crumbles. She grabs her wrist and pulls her up.

Emma is against the wall as their lips collide and slide between each other. Her tongue is in Emma's mouth, taking back every moment she has ever wanted to do this, every urge and need breaks free. She kisses her neck, her hands roving over soft black lace. Emma groans and it is unearthly. 

"Yes" she whispers, it lingers in Regina's mind as her hand slides into the front of Emma's pants "I need you, my queen" she sighs. Regina needs it too, needs it all right now. She barely feels anything but hot and wet when the station doors squeak.

Her eyes snap open and she jerks away from Emma panting, the taste of her skin still in her mouth. Emma's hair has fallen down. She looks more like herself than she has in days but her eyes are hard again. They stab and Regina remembers why it can't happen. Because Emma is the Dark One. She's not thinking like the Emma she knows and l-...cares about.

"My Lady Swan" Killian says as he enters ahead of David. Emma suppresses a scowl. Regina waves a hand and her buttons do themselves up before anyone can notice where Emma has torn her shirt open. She can still feel the grip of Emma's fingers lingering on her breasts.

"Hook" Emma replies

"You do look resplendent this evening"

“Resplendent? Did someone buy you a word of the day calendar?” Regina snaps at him. _He’s not even using it properly._ She wants to disappear, but Emma might follow her. The safest place for her to be is around other people. Emma's eyes bore into her. She can feel them on her, all over her. Killian follows her gaze.

"I'm up for it if you are, lass"

"Up for what?" David asks, oblivious as he pulls coffee cups out of a tray. Regina looks up and catches the full force of Emma's gaze. It is lustful, bordering on malicious.

Hook's looking far too fucking pleased with himself, _imbecile that he is._ Emma ignores him completely and instead turns to David, adjusting her face to show him the face of the daughter he wants to see. Regina isn't even listening to what they're saying. She can't believe the change in her. Her heart is still beating against its cage, and her nipples are hard and straining against her bra, uncomfortably.

"I have to go" Regina says, sick at what she's realising about Emma's behaviour towards her. She is being who everyone wants her to be. What does that say about her?

Emma's lip twitches in irritation. She's good at pretending, Regina thinks, but not good enough. She has years of this on Emma. She should have seen it sooner. Who was she kidding? She had seen it, she just chose not to deal with it.

"Regina" Emma says in her daughter voice "do you have to?" She sounds so like her, she looks so like her, but she isn't her.

"Yes" she replies before disappearing in a puff of smoke. 

She appears again in her room, rubs her head and looks in the mirror. At least she doesn't look like she has just been ravaged, even if she feels like it. The noise of Henry playing video games downstairs reassures her. She wonders if Emma tried to follow her here. A bang on the door answers her question almost before it occurred to her.

"Regina!" Emma shouts from outside.

"Ma?" Henry calls back

"Henry! Let me in, I need to talk to your mom!"

"I don't think she's here" he shouts back, obviously doing very well on his computer game if he hasn't gotten up to let her in. Regina smiles gratefully at this one impoliteness that she hasn't managed to stamp out yet.

"She is! Please let me in...kid" she says as if she has just remembered that is what she calls him. The game pauses but Regina is already in the hallway. 

“I've got it, Henry" she says calmly. 

"Is everything ok?" He asks. She doesn't know.

"I'm not sure, but it will be"

"Regina!" Emma bangs again as Henry closes the living room door. The whole house seems to shake. _The protective spell on the house works then,_ she thinks. And the reinforcements she added after last night's scare are holding up nicely.

"Are you trying to break down my door, Swan?" She asks, unlocking it from the inside

"Yes! We need to talk"

She opens the door and Emma immediately tries to step inside but is thrown backwards by a powerful magical barrier.

"Fuck!" She stumbles off the step and Regina steps out, closing the door behind her.

"What would you like to talk about?" She asks, folding her hands calmly in front of her. A mask for the tumultuous, conflicting rushes of emotion in her chest. She’s not Emma, she’s not Emma.

"Why don't we start with fucking in the sheriff’s office?"

"Your office" Regina corrects

"Y-yeah" she agrees with a frown.

"Yes that seems like a good place to start" Regina says "that's not going to happen again"

Her mouth falls open and for a moment she's just Emma. There's hurt in her eyes and disappointment that Regina hasn't seen in...well a long time. For a moment the barricade around her is breached and Emma Swan is standing in front of her.

"Why?" She asks __

_Because you impulsive, handsy idiot, I care too much about you to ruin everything now._

"Well, you have Hook for one. I have Robin" she says, remembering him for the first time this evening "you and I are...not meant to be and I don't want to fight again, for Henry's sake. It won't work, we both know that"

She looks up and Emma is gone again, replaced by her dark counterpart.

"So not because you don't want to?" She asks. Regina cocks an eyebrow but doesn't reply otherwise. Emma steps towards her slowly stalking her like a hunting predator.

"Not because you don't like me. Not because you don't want it. Not because you don't desperately need it" she's pretty close, close enough to kiss. She does need it, but she can't have it. 

"It is not going to happen again" Regina says. She suddenly becomes aware of the stickiness on her fingers. Emma sighs and her breath brushes the side of Regina's face. She looks tired.

"Can I at least come in? It's Saturday right, so it's lasagne night?"

"I'm not cooking tonight" Regina says. She has hardly cooked since...

Emma's teeth grind.

"Good night, Miss Swan" Regina replies and turns on her heel

"This is some fucking welcome home" Emma follows her "you owe me, Regina!" She stomps the edge of Regina's stride. When she hits the invisible barrier again she cries out in frustration and is forced back.

"You haven't changed! You still use people! You're a fraud and a fucking hypocrite!" She shouts.

"Go home, Emma" Regina says, slamming the door.

Emma's chest heaves and Regina can feel her pace for a moment before she leaves. She slides down the inside of the door and brings her knees up to her chest. She knows she was angry and saying it to rile her, but every swipe connected.

"Mom?" Henry sits down beside her and puts his arm around her shoulders.

"You are getting far too big for my liking" she says "who are you? What have you done with my little prince?"

"He's gone, now you've just got me"

"I suppose you'll do" she says "just until forever"

He squeezes her tightly and doesn't mention the little drips of water turning spots on her shirt darker red.

-

Regina faces bed with no liquor tonight. If she’s going to do this dance with Emma she needs to be sharp in the morning. When sleep comes it is not the restful kind. It’s a memory she is reliving. They are in the author’s house, in the library.

“What is it?” she asks

“You know what it is” Emma mumbles. She sighs and puts the book of blank pages down.

“Emma”

“No, I know. We’re not doing this” she says without looking up.

“Emma”

“I just don’t like the way he is with you. It’s not about me...us, it’s about him. Why does he have to be like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like” Emma waves her hands in front of her in frustration “physical”. Regina’s eyebrow quirks in question. “Constricting, he can’t leave you alone, like, you can’t just express your completely understandable frustration and throw a useless book on the floor without him clamping down on you. I feel like I can’t breathe looking at you together”

Regina’s heart aches. But he’s supposed to be her soulmate. She can’t feel this way about Emma. 

Emma’s mouth twists to the side like she said too much. She did. She said far too much and that’s another thing they can’t take back, can’t forget. She sits on the arm of Emma’s chair, looking down into pools of hurt and something else. Tenderness? Sometimes she looks so like Henry it breaks her heart. She touches her chin and tilts her face up.

“You’re important to me” she says. That’s as far as she can go. Anything else would be too much to take back. She might overflow. She might say everything and ruin...everything. Emma’s eyes shine with unshed tears.

“Yeah” she whispers “me too” She takes the hand from her chin. Regina should pull it back, but she doesn’t. Can’t. Emma’s fingers trace hers gently, slide over her knuckles, around her palm as if memorising every detail.

She almost shivers. No one has ever been as careful with her, like she's precious. Her skin tingles. Emma turns her hand over and squeezes it gently. She doesn’t remember the last time she felt so sad. Emma lets go and stands abruptly.

“I should go” she says

“I thought you wanted to look for something to help us” Regina says, standing too.

“I think I’ll come back and look by myself” she tucks her hands into her back pockets and stares at her feet.

“Oh” Regina understands, she just doesn't want to be around her. “No I’ll go. I should…” see Robin? Whatever she was going to say, she doesn’t. Emma knows anyway and nods. She waits a moment longer but she doesn't look up.

Regina disappears home in a cloud of purple smoke. She isn’t concentrating and ends up outside of her house. It’s raining.

“Damn” she says and poofs back for her coat. “Sorry, I forgot my...Emma?”

Emma’s arms are over her face as she stands facing the ceiling. “I’m fine” She says behind her elbows, though her voice shakes.

Regina is with her in a second. What can she say? She knows why she’s crying. She feels the same wrenching pain she feels when Henry cries. Like she would do anything to stop it.

She does the only thing she can and pulls Emma into a hug. For a moment she is scared she’ll push her away, but the moment their bodies touch she collapses into her. Her breathing is juddering through them both. Her arms pull them tight together.

She knows what happens next. They both go back to the mansion. She spends the night cooking dinner for her family and watching them verbally abuse each other while they play video games. But that’s not what happens here, in her mind, in her dream.

“Thank you” Emma says pulling away. She presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth, almost her cheek but not quite. Regina turns into it without thinking. Her nose brushes Emma’s tear streaked face.

Emma holds her breath. It's a dream, what does it matter? _Fuck it._ Regina kisses her and Emma breathes again, breathes her in. At first it is slow, searching. Emma moans gently into her mouth, somewhere between bliss and torture. She is light headed, dizzy. Their kisses grow fierce, forceful and hungry, giving and taking from each other in equal measure. Regina pulls at her jeans. The button pops and zip slides down in one motion, like she has done this a thousand times before. She might have thought about it a thousand times before. Her fingers find her way into Emma’s pants again and the kissing stops. Emma gasps for air, holding her tightly.

“Oh my god” She says as she every nerve in her body fizzes with energy. Emma pulls at her clothes, strains away from her, she kisses her neck as she jerks against the wall that she didn’t realise they were against. 

It's too much, everything is too much. Their years of pent up frustration and emotion, all the things that have happened to them, everything they have done to each other overwhelms them. 

Emma is shaking, crying out her name, holding her tight enough to bruise her skin. Her body is against her and it's too much to handle. She realises Emma is wearing the black lace top from earlier. It sends a shock right through her that ends between her legs like every other noise escaping Emma’s lips and every jerk of her volatile body.

They are kissing again and it hurts and cleanses like fire. Emma's nails scratch down her back, she barely registers that her top is gone. Her teeth bite and scrape while her tongue and lips kiss it better. Emma isn't even touching her intimately but enough of this and she could probably come without it.

They are on the floor, Emma on top of her, her hand around her throat and suddenly she's scared. This feels familiar. Is it Emma on top of her? 

Emma smiles and says softly "is this what you want, your majesty? Do you want me now I'm dark and twisted?" Her voice is sing-songy, almost playful if it didn't come with bared teeth and hard eyes. Regina's skin hurts like needles.

"Remember, your majesty, all magic comes with a price" she smiles and her teeth look sharp. Her face and voice turn sour "And this check was meant for you" 

Regina feels herself ripped open as Emma's hand plunges into her chest and closes around her heart. 

She sits up, shaking, sweating, panting and clasping her chest. It's still there, she can feel it. It hurts too much to be anywhere but in her chest. The pain is her answer, reassurance and burden.

Lightning flashes outside, followed by thunder that shakes the whole house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments! I hope you like this next bit. I tried to lighten it up a bit (to begin with...)

Snow thrusts baby Neal into her arms as soon as she and Henry enter the loft.

Snow's cheeks are flushed. "He won't stop crying this morning and I- what did you do?" Her eyes are wide and almost tearful as the baby stops screaming to stare up at Regina with eyes just like Emma's.

"I didn't do anything" she replies "he just has good taste"

The baby smiles up at her with complete abandon, the way only children do. _Only children and perhaps Emma Swan with a bearclaw,_ she thinks. Snow wanders off muttering under her breath about overstep-mothers and Henry follows her to the kitchen with a smile at his mother. She cuddles the baby while nobody's looking.

"Hello little one" she whispers and he gurgles happily. "What have you been doing today?" She carries him to Snow's sofa "ah, someone has been reading to you. Henry already has a list of things for you to read together, but I think Tolkien might overwhelm you just now." He babbles. "Oh I'm sure you do disagree" she replies, his entire hand wraps around one of her fingers "after all, you wouldn't be a Charming if you always agreed with me"

Snow places tea in front of her and sits opposite, sipping her own carefully.

“What is it, Snow?” she asks

“Why does there have to be something for us to sit down together?” Snow protests. 

She waits.

“Oh fine, I wanted to talk about Emma”

Regina turns to see if Henry is nearby, but he is raiding Snow’s fridge. _Like mother like son._

"Emma and David are at the station. The coast is clear." Snow says in a voice that sounds like she's trying to joke.

Regina relaxes a little now that the question she has been dying to ask since she got here - where is Emma? - has been answered without even having to admit she wanted to know.

“Yes I think we should” she agrees “exactly how much of what we know about the sorcerer and our plan to find him have you shared with Emma?”

Snow's brow furrows. “All of it”

Regina sighs “why am I not surprised?”

Snow's frown deepens.

“There are some things I have kept just to myself in case this happened.” Snow gapes at her “Oh please, you just told me you haven’t kept anything secret from her.” She takes a deep breath and readjusts the baby who is staring at the shiny buttons of her jacket with infinite wonder “and I wouldn’t expect you to. She is your daughter and you want to help her.”

Snow twists her clasped fingers. “I think she’s...not quite herself. She’s so open and she's talking to us about everything. Part of me hoped that something she experienced while she was...gone had changed her, helped her realise what she had here, a family."  
_  
She knows she has a family,_ she thinks bitterly. _Trust Snow to make this about Emma's personal inadequacies rather than the fact that she's fucking possessed._ Her face remains a tempered mask.

"I ignored this...feeling. I don’t know what it is” Snow continues

“Unease?” Regina offers, maintaining her gaze on Snow whilst rolling the baby's sock covered toes between her fingers. He blows raspberries in response. 

“Yes! Thank you. Unease. I knew I was just seeing what I wanted and then I realised she was telling me what I wanted to hear. She’s not...herself”

She looks pained to admit it. That righteous "there must be something I can do" look grates on Regina. She guesses the guilt of sending her away as a baby gnaws at her as she rejects this form she has taken as an adult.

“I’m glad you see it” she says

“That’s another thing” Snow adds, interrupting her. Regina raises her eyebrows in response. Neal grabs at her jacket, wanting more attention. She tickles his tummy without looking and his squeaky, gurgling laugh fills the apartment.

“David said something happened at the station yesterday” __

_No. They didn't see, did they?_

Regina's gaze goes from vague interest to pinning Snow against her chair in a second.

“Something about the way Emma was looking at you and something Hook said. What happened?” Snow continues despite her obvious discomfort.

“I don’t think you want to know, Snow”

“Please, Regina” __

_Gods be damned, must she know everything?_

She glances at the table. Snow has given her a delicate and ornate cup and saucer that Emma found in a thrift store. She thought only Emma knew she liked that one. _Damn these insidious Charmings._ She has to give Snow something.

“Emma’s ‘look’ bordered on lascivious. Hook made a wildly inappropriate but thoroughly characteristic comment. David seemed oblivious but, was he putting it on?”

“We’re not as stupid as you think” She replies with pride “But what I want to know is what David walked in on”  
_  
Oh no you don't._

“Your daughter” she looks down at the baby, trying to find the best way to say it “pushing the boundaries of propriety. Put it that way”

Snow seems to get the implication. She takes a breath, that pained look crosses her face again.

“And if she is showing people the side of herself that they want to see?”

She almost blushes.

“I have Robin” she says avoiding Snow’s eyes. It sounds flimsy and meaningless “and she has Hook.” It sounds like a brick wall, a cage, something scratching down her throat “It’s just the darkness in her reacting to the darkness in me” _but that’s not all it is._

“Regina…”

“Snow White will you mind your own business for once?” She snaps. Snow pauses but only for a moment.

“Did something-”

“You don’t want to know!” Regina says firmly, at the end of her patience and missing the days when she could quell a Charming with a look. The baby wriggles in discomfort at the change in atmosphere.

“Oh my god” Snow looks away

“Honestly, it’s not as bad as you think” _well perhaps it is, perhaps it’s much, much worse_ “but I’m not going into any further detail for all of our sakes."

The look of disgust on Snow’s face cheers her up somewhat. Snow leaves her on the sofa without another word. Regina picks up the baby and smiles, nuzzling his nose with her own.

“I’m going to destroy your mommy’s happiness” she says in the warm, soft voice she only ever uses on babies. Snow turns back and scoffs on her way to the kitchen.

“Yes I am” she says as he cackles and reaches for her face “Yes I am”

The tiny, wriggling human gives her more strength than she could have imagined. He's the combination of Emma's features and baby Henry's nature that makes her heart feel simultaneously light and sad with nostalgia. This is why she's fighting, she remembers. He struggles to stay awake in her arms and she can barely believe the trust he places in her. She can feel her defences rebuilding themselves for the child in her arms and for the people she wants to protect.  
_  
Maybe fate has cursed me to love all the Charming offspring,_ she half-thinks and half-pretends she doesn't.

-

"Donuts" Snow announces as they enter the station. Henry is carrying Neal who sleeps soundly his car seat. 

"Hey, the jelly one is mine" David says as Emma reaches for it.

"Donut tell me what to do!" She shouts.

David laughs as she takes chocolate instead. Snow beams at them both. Regina is impressed, but unconvinced. _Was that a joke or a mistake?_

"Let's put this little guy in here" David says, Henry and Snow following him into the office.

Regina turns to Emma who, predictably is already staring at her. 

"You have chocolate on your mouth" she says noticing the uncharacteristically discarded donut on the desk.

"Why don’t you help me get it off?" She asks with a cheeky upwards tilt of her head. For a second she just looks like Emma. Regina's heart leaps at the idea before she remembers.  
_  
She's being what we want her to be. This isn't Emma, this is an imposter. Emma would be mortified by the things she has done._

Guilt and embarrassment give her all the fire she needs. She marches across the room with such force that Emma stumbles off the desk corner she had leant on and into the chair beside it. 

"If you think" Regina begins, leaning into her space, grasping the arms of the chair threateningly "that you can play this game with me Miss Swan, you are wrong. You think you have a few years experience under your belt? I have decades." Her words sting with fury, every opportunity to sharpen a consonant into a threat is taken. "You have no idea what you are dealing with" 

Emma’s eyes are still crystal sharp but there's a flicker of surprise in them, of shock, possibly even fear.

"Your parents might be stupid enough to fall for this, to see what they want, but I am not" 

She wipes chocolate from the corner of Emma's mouth and licks it from her finger slowly. Somewhere deep inside, trapped by the veneer of the Dark One, Emma Swan is screaming.

Emma trembles slightly. Regina pushes the chair away and strides from the station, past an oblivious Henry and the mortified faces of Prince Charming and Snow White. 

-

"That was dramatic" Regina opens the text from Snow as she waits for her coffee. She rolls her eyes and ignores it. Their history of messages reads like a schedule. Just times for dinner and brief questions answered in the briefest possible full sentences.

"Here you go, Madam Mayor" Ruby says with a smile.

"Ruby?" Regina asks and the waitress glances at the cup first, then the Mayor.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, of course" she lies "I just wondered how Emma seems to you"

"Um" the corner of her mouth tugs down briefly. "She doesn't really come by anymore. She seems" Ruby stops herself, seeming to remember who she is speaking to. Was she going to say evil? Dark? Villainous? "Different"

_Very fucking astute,_ she thinks "Thank you, Ruby. I quite agree, though it's nothing we can't mend, I'm sure" 

Her walk home seems to take no time at all. She doesn't remember passing any of the usual landmarks, lost in her own thoughts. The thing that breaks her reverie is its main subject, Emma Swan, standing on her porch. Again.

"Will you let me in your fucking house, please?" Emma says as she walks up the path. "My key won't go anywhere near the door. What the fuck did you do to it?”

Eventually Emma would break through the defences, even the renewed ones, but she still has to figure out how, which buys Regina time.

"No, you're not coming in" she says, waiting at the bottom step.

"You don't trust me to...be in your house?" She looks hurt, but not enough, not as hurt as Emma would be. "I thought we were friends, Gina"  
_  
She's working hard, but not hard enough._

"Call me that again and I'll seal your mouth shut like that scene in The Matrix"

"I knew you liked that movie! Even if you pretended not to" she stamps, her face the picture of victory.

"I thought it was heavy handed"

Emma smiles at her. Even with her sallow complexion the cheekiness in her dimples persists. _She is good._ She wants her just to be Emma, it’s so tempting to believe her...

"I think you want the dagger" she says, calling her bluff. Emma's face drops at the mention of it, the elephant in the room that no one has brought up yet.

"IT'S MINE!" She swoops down on her

"You're not having it" Regina says calmly, standing her ground. Emma is in her face, all aggression and dark magic pulsing just below surface.

"After everything I have done for you, for this fucking town? That's not fair! You don't trust me? I sacrificed everything for you, and this is what I get in return? You could make me do anything" she says, her voice softening "anything"

"You know I'm not going to" she replies. Emma breathes out heavily, her eyes wide and flicking between Regina's.

"Why didn't you summon me?"

Regina shrugs remembering the weeks she spent not eating, cleaning things that were already clean, snapping at Robin, Snow, Henry, anyone who interrupted her brooding.

"For lots of reasons. I wanted you to come back on your own terms. I don't want to control you. I was" _scared_ "concerned it might not work"

"If you don't want to control me, give me my dagger" her voice is even but she can hear anger seething just below the surface.

"No" 

Emma’s face twists in rage and her hand thrusts into Regina’s chest. The pain is worse than she remembers from the last time her heart was torn out. Blood rushes in her ears and she can barely hear anything, see anything, do anything.

Her fingers close around Emma’s wrist as Emma’s close around her heart. For a moment she is completely at her mercy. All she feels is Emma’s tightening grip and her pulse.

Emma’s eyes narrow, distant and angry. She bares her teeth almost growling then wrenches her hand away. Regina stumbles back, still whole and gasping for air. Emma is fighting something invisible, thrashing and shouting at someone she can’t see. Her coat whips around her like dark wings.

“NO” she grinds out, holding her arms tightly around herself “NO” she repeats through her teeth, choking on her own breaths in. She hunches over shaking violently. Losing her strength she falls to her knees, hands slapping the brick as she lands. She shakes again and throws up on the path.

Quiet.

She gulps air with her eyes closed. Her hair has shaken loose again, her chest judders as it rises and falls and tears slip silently down her face.

“Emma?” Regina asks, approaching slowly. Her eyes snap open at her name.

“Regina?” she whispers turning to her. 

She waves her hand the vomit disappears before she crouches beside still trembling Emma.

"Is this real?" Emma whispers. Regina nods. Emma searches her face, looking for the lie. She smiles weakly, finding none and reaches out for her arms. 

"You're real." She squeezes to make sure "You're alive. Your heart?" She asks, horror tearing across her face "was that real? Are you ok?"

Her heart is ok. Sore and racing but still in her chest. _Can this be her?_

"I am ok, it was real, you didn't take it"

"Oh thank god. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be here" she tries to move away but Regina catches her hands as they slide down her arms.

"Do you know how long you have been here?" She asks

Emma's eyes flick left and right as she tries to find something solid, something she knows is real.

"Nothing feels right" she says "it's all dark and...it's like a dream. A nightmare. I can only see snatches of things that...they can't be real" She looks to Regina with fear.

"Have I hurt anyone?" Her voice shakes 

"Not that I know of"

"But I nearly did. I nearly just...where is the dagger? Please tell me you have it"

Her heart swells with the knowledge that Emma wants her to have it.

"I do but-" 

"Have you used it?" 

She swallows and looks down.

"Regina please"

"I can't use it" she says desperately hoping she will understand.

"You have to!" Emma squeezes her hands

"I can't!"

"Why?"

"I can't have that control over you"

"Why?" Emma demands 

"I don't trust myself" she confesses, hoping all her hard work, trying to change for Henry and for herself won’t come crashing down around her and that Emma won’t be ashamed of her weakness.

"I trust you" Emma replies without hesitation

Another ache from her heart.

"It's too much, it's too dark and I hate what it has done...what it is doing to you" _and what it does to me,_ she thinks of the way the dagger speaks to her, repulsive and intoxicating.

"I can't fight it alone"

"You're not alone, Emma"

"It's too...too...I see things that can't have happened. I've watched you all die a hundred times, not knowing if any of them are real" tears roll down her face "I wake up in darkness, sometimes covered in blood, I don't know where it's from, if it's mine..."  
_  
Fuck the dagger being in the house, she needs help,_ she decides. Emma seizes and she jumps forward to catch her.

"Emma, stay with me" Regina pleads. Her eyes flicker open as she jolts in her arms.

"Please, Emma. Stay for me, for Henry."

Emma's jaw clenches and a noise like a sob strangles out of her. Her eyes shut tight and she cries out through her teeth until she sinks into Regina, limp and unconscious. 

Her fingers press desperately into Emma's neck, her heart is still beating. She breathes out slowly and brushes the hair from Emma's pale face.

-

"The darkness seems to be blocking her out from reality and drawing on her memories but she's fighting it. It doesn't have everything. Not yet." she closes the door quietly behind herself, still holding the phone to her ear.

"Did she tell you that?" Snow asks

"Not exactly" she keeps exactly what she told her to herself 'your child is being tortured with waking nightmares' is not what Snow needs to hear right now.

"Because I don't think you can trust her by yourself."

She rolls her eyes.

"Snow, you're going to have to trust me"

She can practically hear her looking at David over the line.

"What happened at the station isn't going to happen again. She was a different person" she says

"But you fell for it"

"Because I wanted to" she snaps. It may be a shock for Snow White but she was going to have to learn sometime. Her daughter is a grown woman. She shouldn't have to hide that part of herself to please her parents.

"I can tell the difference" she says in a slightly softer tone "Emma is still in there, I just wanted to let you know she's ok"

Snow sighs and she hangs up. She goes back to her room and feels Emma's forehead again. Cold. 

"Oh Emma" she sighs looking down at her "I know you've had a lot of battles to fight in your life, but this is the one you have to win. Over them all, you have to win this one." She pulls the duvet up and tucks her in, her hand resting on the blanket over her chest. She wants to kiss her forehead, like she would with Henry but something stops her. That barrier in her mind that she has put so much faith in so far. "I'll be here" she says, before climbing onto the other side of the bed.

Emma shivers next to her periodically throughout the evening. Henry appears around 10pm with a cup of tea before she sends him gratefully to bed. A little later Emma starts to moan and move around.

“Mmmana” Emma murmurs “dowana” 

“Don’t want to?” Regina asks “don’t want to what?”

“Dowanna hurt her. You can’ make me”

“You’re dreaming Emma, it’s not real, no one can make you hurt her” she says, hoping it’s the right thing. It seems to soothe her and her breathing settles. A couple of minutes later she stirs. Her bloodshot eyes open and squint.

“R’gina?”

Her smile is uncontainable. It’s still Emma.

“Hi” she looks down at her.

“Am I in your bed?" She asks looking at the sheets and around the room. It's definitely Emma. Her eyes grow wide and her mouth opens in childish surprise.

"You are" Regina replies "I want to keep an eye on you.”

Emma gulps and looks up at her, face half hidden by the sheet.

“Did…?”

“No” Regina replies, anticipating the unasked question ‘did something happen between us?’

“Sorry, I just, I’m not sure what’s real”

Regina closes her book and slides down the bed a little to be level with Emma. Emma pokes the book spine in question. Le Morte Darthur.

"The death of Arthur" Regina says

"Light reading?"

"Research"

“I’ve never seen your glasses” Emma says with a glimmer of cheek 

Only Emma, lying in her bed, possessed by the Dark One with a string of embarrassing events behind her could manage to make her feel self conscious now.

“They’re only for reading” she says, lifting a hand to take them off. Emma slides hers into it.

“No, don’t. I like them.” she says. 

She feels exposed again. Those green eyes sparkle at her, cutting through every defence she has wrapped around herself, like they always have. Like she sees her completely. She drops her gaze to their hands, where Emma is unconsciously tracing circles on hers.

“There are some things we need to talk about” she says. Emma suddenly looks grave.

“Things I’ve done?” 

“Not just that, but yes." She thinks about her dreams that seem less like dreams the longer she's with her "But we’ll talk about them in the morning. You need to sleep”

Emma shifts away from her suddenly.

“If I’ve done something Regina I need to know, I need to fix it”

The anxiety in her face, voice and body language is obvious. Regina understands her need to fix it, but she’s barely able to sit up.

“You haven’t done anything that I haven’t already forgiven you for” she says

“Even…” she glances at Regina’s chest where her hand had forced its way through her skin.

“Even that” she says

Tears fill Emma's eyes as she avoids her gaze.

"I'm going to stay up. Get some rest."

Emma looks at her one last time and rolls over. Did she glance at her neck? _She’s ok. She’s here. She’ll be ok._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite a short one, and it's a bit fluffy. Also some angst but this is really some relief for what is coming. 2 more chapters after this one. Thanks for your comments and kudos!

She jolts into wakefulness when she realises she’s alone. Silence rings in her ears. 

Henry’s room is empty. She poofs into the hallway and sees the door still locked. Maybe they are still here. She opens the kitchen door and a wave of sound hits her. A noise blocking charm, _and a very neat one too._ Her heart leaps seeing Emma with her back to her, hair up tightly, dressed in black from head to toe. She’s so angular. Henry sits with his back to her too. She realises she’s cooking as the smell of frying batter reaches her. _Pancakes?_

“Heads up” She says, flipping a pancake over her shoulder without looking. It lands on Henry’s plate.

“No way! How did you do that?” He yells over their music.

“Magic” she says and waggles her fingers over her shoulder. His hood playfully pulls itself over his head. He laughs and pulls it back before emptying half a bottle of syrup onto his plate. 

Her aim has certainly improved. Her chest aches as she wonders if the Dark One is showing him the version of his mother he wants to see. Music and pancakes sound about right.

“These pancakes are amazing!” He says with his mouth full

“Better than New York?” Emma asks. Regina smiles in relief. _Dark Emma barely knew his name. Surely this is her._

“Yeah. The apple is really good. Mom is going to love them”

“Save her some syrup, kid”

“Can’t you just get more?”

Her head lifts in thought. She waves a hand and in a puff of blackness the breakfast bar where Henry sits fills with bottles of syrup. Henry bursts out laughing.

“What are we gonna do with all this? She’s gonna kill you”

“Crap” she glances over her shoulder at their haul but doesn’t see Regina. She waves her hand again and most of them disappear.

“Where did you put them?”

“Your closet” She says with a smirk

Regina’s phone rings before Henry can reply. She didn’t even realise she was holding it until she jumps at the noise and vibration. Emma’s plate smashes on the floor and she turns to the sound, her hand in a swathe of blue flames, eyes trained on Regina, ready to burn. Her free hand raises in defence, waiting for Emma to act or lower her own. Their eyes are locked and the air turns thick with tension. For a moment she really doesn’t know what Emma will do. The music has stopped but the phone still rings. Her heart feels like it's beating in her throat.

“Mom?” Henry tries quietly. Emma’s head turns slightly towards him, eyes remaining on Regina. A second later she closes her fist and the fire is extinguished. 

“S-sorry” she mutters and turns away. Regina answers the phone, mostly to stop it from ringing.

"He won't eat and I don't know what to do" Snow’s panicked voice speaks out at her

"Are you serious?" she asks, eyes still on Emma’s back. Her bounce has gone and her head is down. She slides a pancake onto a new plate by the stove and waves her hand, getting rid of the mess on the floor. Henry turns back to his pancakes with a grimace.

"Yes! It's not like him!" Snow says. 

She turns away and walks out into the hall. The marble floor is cold on her feet. She left her slippers upstairs in her haste so she sits on the wooden stair.

"I mean are you seriously phoning me about this, Snow?”

“You don’t think it’s a problem?” She rolls her eyes. It’s hard to remember this is her first time with baby.

“Leave him in the high chair with his food. If he wants it, he’ll eat it. If he doesn’t he’ll paint the walls with it. It’s a risk you’ll have to take”

“Well if you’ve got magic to clean it up it doesn’t seem like such a ri-” she hangs up

“My mom?” Emma asks, crossing the hall from the kitchen doorway. 

Regina sighs “I don’t know why I’m the one she keeps calling.”

“You know exactly why she keeps calling” Emma replies, leaning on the bannister. Regina frowns in reply. “She loves you, and respects you and you are terrible at pretending you don’t adore that baby." Regina rolls her eyes "And you are the closest thing she has to a mother, even though you tried to kill her like, a lot of times. And” she throws in for good measure “I think you like it”

She wants to be mad but she’s smiling. She’s smiling against her will at the woman standing over her, saying annoying, lovely, completely true things. 

“MOMS” Henry shouts from the kitchen

“Pancakes?” Emma asks and offers a hand. She takes it, smiling wryly as she stands.

“Is there syrup?” 

Emma’s smile drops immediately.

-

"Can I skip school today?" Henry asks, finishing the last of an enormous stack of pancakes

"No" Regina replies

"Please!" He looks to Emma

"No" Regina repeats before she can say anything.

"You let me stay home when we started doing research for Operation Beard"

Anxiety and embarrassment rush her torso. Snow had come round to see if they were ok. Henry had been missing school. Regina hadn't realised, unaware of the number of days that passed and how many of them weren't the weekend.

"You did?" Emma asks with her mouth full.

"Not intentionally" she says quietly

"What does that mean?"

"She forgot what day it was" Henry laughs. Emma doesn't. 

She feels her eyes on her, waiting for a reason, an explanation, anything other than the truth. She wasn’t herself. She was distracted. She kept forgetting what she was doing, whilst doing it. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything. She was a mess and now Emma knows it. She watches Emma's eyes darken across the table.

Wood screeches on marble as Emma shoves her chair back. She’s out of the room before Regina can call her back. Her boot heels stomp across the floor.

“Emma wait” Regina calls, they are outside, Emma’s at her gate.

“I can’t” she shakes the latch too hard and it won’t open. “Argh!” she blows the whole thing off it’s hinges. Regina reaches her just in time to recapture her attention.

“Emma please wait” 

Her shoulders are heaving, her breath heavy and shaking. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have come back” She sees her hands rise to take her away again. _She’s leaving._

“Emma!” Her voice strains with the mess of emotions she feels. Emma pauses. “Please don’t go” she feels the threat of tears climbing up her throat, blurring her vision. Emma looks up, her own eyes filled with pain. “Please don’t leave again” she says, it comes out almost as a whisper. She can’t think about losing her again. She can’t think about not knowing if she’s ok. She holds her hand out.

“Please”

She knows what Emma is wrestling with. She can’t fight the darkness by herself, but she can’t inflict it on the people she l-...cares about. She needs help but she can’t take it. She needs help from her family, and they need her. Emma’s instincts to run and to protect grapple within her, fighting to win out over the other. The conflict is clear in her eyes.

_Please_

Emma takes her hand slowly. Regina feels her touch like coming up for air. The gap between them closes. Emma’s other hand finds hers. Their fingers tangle together. Regina’s eyes close to save from shedding the tears in them and she breathes out. Emma’s forehead presses against hers as she lets relief wash over her.

"I'm scared" Emma whispers. _Me too._

"I've got you. We've got you"

“What if I hurt someone?” 

“I won’t let you”

Emma's hands are still shaking as they leave hers. She steps back. Their fingertips hang on for just a second longer.

"Mom?" Henry's voice is soft "Please don't leave us" She opens her arms and he jumps right into them. She holds onto him, squeezing him tight, accepting the love his heart pours into hers.

"I'm not, kid" she says, looking at Regina.

Her heart rate slows to a normal pace. Her family is here and together. They are broken and twisted and dysfunctional, but they are hers and they are here.

As if reading her mind, Henry reaches out for her too and pulls her in. His arm wraps around her back. She will never be used to him getting tall. Her arms lift to hug him back, and the other lifts to find Emma. Instead of her back, she finds her hand again. Their fingers link together and Emma's thumb draws circles on hers.

When Henry pulls away she lets him go with reluctance, but her fingers stay locked with Emma's until she follows Henry back into the house. Their arms stretch out, fingers uncurled to their full length until one of them lets go or falls over. She hears voices heading towards them as Emma's fingers slip from hers.

"Look who I found skulking around" Robin says, pointing sideways at Hook as they approach. She’s suddenly aware she’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

"I don't skulk" Hook says "morning, Regina. Taking good care of my fair lady, I see" he tips his head at the hand that was just in Emma's.

_Vile._ She rolls her eyes, turns and heads down the path to her house.

"I think your missus has an interest in mine" Robin says quietly, though Regina hears him well enough.

"Bollocks" Hook replies

"Quite the opposite actually"

"When you say 'missus' do you mean your actual wife, or the woman you're cheating on her with, or the woman you thought was but actually isn’t-"

"Shut your mouth" Robin says, shoving him in the chest.

Regina turns at the top of her steps to see them pushing each other around, very nearly fighting. She wouldn't mind seeing Robin take that miscreant down a peg or two. But she can't have them bringing this into her home. She forms two fists in front of her, binding each one to a person, then jolts them apart and releases a second later. The two men are thrown away from each other. Robin lands on the grass and Hook on the brick.

"Bloody hell" Hook rolls over, his hand at his back. _Unintentional but not unrewarding._

"If you can't behave yourselves don't bother staying" She says coldly. Robin meets her at the door and kisses her cheek.

"Sorry darling" he says as he passes her. She follows him inside.

"Hello Emma" he says "welcome back"

"Robin, hi" she says with surprise and irritation. She looks at Regina and then back at him. "How are you?" She asks

"Can't complain, you?"

"Um." __

_She’s the fucking Dark One, Robin. For the love of..._

"I'll make a pot of coffee" She interrupts

"Might as well make it two, I text David so they’re probably on their way over" Hook announces, walking into the room

"You did what?” she asks, as if he could only have done it to irritate her.

"Mom, you're hurting me" Henry says quietly to Emma though Regina hears him too. She lets go of his hand immediately. 

"Sorry kid" 

"Emma, will you help me?" Regina asks

"I can help" Robin says

"I think the two of us can handle it" she replies, watching Hook smirk from the periphery of her vision. Emma gets up and follows her silently to the kitchen.

“Oh David’s not coming, something about a robbery at the shop” Hook says with disappointment as the kitchen door swings closed behind them.

"I didn't mean to hurt Henry" Emma says as soon as the door closes "I didn't know I was doing anything. I just..."

"Emma, Henry is fine"

"Oh" she scratches her head. Her posture is tense. She turns away to look at the door, as if she can check on him through it. 

"I'm sorry your parents are being sprung on you so quickly, that must difficult" she says, preparing coffee with a wave of her hand.

Emma nods slowly. "It's like the volume of everything is turned up to max" Her voice is quiet but it sounds like Emma. Her eyebrows pull together making familiar worry lines on her forehead. This will be the first time she has really seen them since she returned. "It’s all right beneath the surface now, impossible to ignore. Every doubt and irrational fear and" she glances up at Regina and quickly down again.

"And what?"

"You know what" she mumbles “it’s all...all I can hear” 

They could be back in the library. She remembers her dream, their kiss, Emma’s arms around her...suddenly she’s aware of how close together they are, how warm it is in the kitchen, how much she likes the faint freckles on Emma's face.

"Emma" she says, without knowing where it's going. She looks up and god they are so close. Close enough to ruin everything. Emma is looking at her lips. She has no idea how they got to be close enough to feel the warmth of each other’s skin. She can feel the magic pulsing inside Emma. 

"I feel like we've done this before" Emma says and swallows, her nose brushing Regina's.

"It was a dream" Regina says quietly, discounting the time in the sheriff’s office as not Emma at all.

"It feels real"

"It was all in our heads" Regina shivers as Emma touches her neck. It's still sore where she bit right through her skin.

"Why does that make it any less real?" Emma asks. The sadness in her eyes is overwhelming. Regina just wants to take it away, to make it better, to give her what she wants- _what we both want_ she almost admits to herself. But she can’t have it, can’t give in, can’t fail at the one love that was meant for her. Robin’s love.

She touches Emma's arm and feels a jolt beneath her skin. Dark magic. And what if this is Dark Emma?

"Emma" she looks up into her eyes. She wants it to be her so much. "Show me you're in control." She says against every desire and instinct she has. Emma's eyes close and her breaths become short and shallow. Regina squeezes her arm and lets go.

"Can you hear it?" Emma asks

"I can feel it" she replies. The darkness in Emma is putting up a fight. Stirring from deep down, whispering all her insecurities to her about her family, her new brother, maybe even about Regina. She needs reassurance, _she needs to be looked after._

"You're important" Regina says

"I know, I have to save the town" Emma says with a weariness she seems to feel in her bones

"No, the town has to save you." she replies. Emma looks up. "You're important to me and I'm glad you crashed into my life, tried to steal my son and ruined my life's work"

And just like that, the storm clouds break and Emma's lop sided smile peeks out at her. "Me too" she replies.

 

-

Emma is hesitant about the baby. She's uncomfortable around her parents. Regina can see magic radiating from her like looking at the roof of a car on a hot day but no one else notices it. She maintains contact with her, it seems to help though Emma doesn't acknowledge it, using all her concentration to stay in the room, follow conversations and be appropriate.

Regina deflects awkward questions when she can and has no problem whatsoever delivering a cutting line when needed, but she can't fix everything. She can't soothe Emma's feelings about her parents, she can't stop Snow from fawning over the baby ("the replacement baby" she heard Emma call it once and only once, but once was enough) and when Snow hands him to her she pretends not to want him.

"Emma why don't you take him?"

"What?" Emma looks at her brother like he'll bite "I don't know what to do, how to hold a baby"

"Nonsense" Regina says earning an incredulous look from everyone in the room but Henry. "You're a mother"

"All my baby memories are from you, I don't know what I'm doing" She hands her the baby anyway. Emma needs to feel what she feels when she holds him.

"Oh my god, oh my god" he settles in her arms and stares at her for long moments before breaking into the smile Regina has secretly named "the bearclaw"

"See, you're not holding him like I would" Regina says

"I told you I don't know what I'm doing" Emma bites back

"Regina-" Snow tries

"The way you're holding him is fine. Look how happy he is. You're drawing on your instinct, not my memories Emma"

It's warm and it’s soft and Emma is looking at her like she's pleased and upset in equal measure. The baby babbles and Emma looks down at him. The magic rolling off her changes. It slows and stops fizzing.

Emma is beautiful. Emma with Henry is heartwarming. Emma with a baby is another dimension of vulnerability and tenderness that she can’t dwell on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****Dubious consent/rape trigger warning****
> 
> Also violence TW. Also there's a Regina/Robin sex scene but it is brief and not very detailed.
> 
> Hope you like this one. One more chapter after this.

Regina is exhausted. Emma is exhausted. Hook has volunteered to stay up all night with Emma, _of course he has._ He lingers by Emma’s car, keen to get her home while she dawdles letting everyone else go ahead. Regina closes her door and escorts Emma down the path.

“Even at night we cast shadows” Emma says. Her arms are wrapped tight around her, like it’s much colder than it is.

“Only because the moon is so bright” Regina replies, pointing up. Emma doesn’t look at the moon, only Regina’s face in its light. She looks like she’s struggling to find the words she wants to say, or struggling not to say them.

“God I need to sleep” she says clenching her jaw and continuing to walk slowly.

“Goodnight Emma!” Snow calls to her. She waves absently and jumps at the sound of the car starting.

“Come on, love, it’ll be morning before we get there” Hook calls as they reach the spot where she had fallen to the ground the night before. Emma stops, staring at the broken gate.

“Emma?” Regina asks quietly, half hoping that she has changed her mind.

“Oh no” Emma freezes to the spot, rooted to the ground, barely even breathing.

“Emma, it’s ok, don’t panic” Regina touches her arm. Dark magic surges into her at the touch of her skin. She almost stumbles. She doesn’t hear anything around them. She only sees fear on Emma’s face and the roar of magic in her ears.

And then it stops.

“Love?” Hook asks from nearby. Emma turns away from them both and practically runs towards the car. 

She feels dizzy, sick and powerful. The taste in her mouth is metallic. She might have bitten her tongue.

“Hook” she says as he turns to follow “be careful, it’s hard to tell when she’s-”

“Don’t be jealous, your majesty” he sneers, looking her up and down. The resentments he has been piling up all day, hell the last few weeks, finally come to a head “she told me she loved me before she saved the town” _She saved me, you cretin_ “Who do you think you are to come between us?”  
_  
He deserves it, if she fucking kills him he deserves it._

“Just don’t be stupid” she says as sharply as she can “I know it’s your default setting, but try”

She walks back up to the house and turns to see Emma watching from the car. She couldn’t keep her here forever. _And the fucking dagger is upstairs._ It’s been bothering since The A Team turned up at her house and Emma’s edges sharpened. She checked on it briefly when she went to change and thankfully no one mentioned it though they were probably all thinking about it. She jumps when she feels Robin’s hand on her arm.

“Come on” he says and leads her inside. As soon as the door closes he kisses her. She kisses him back but it’s mechanical. She’s still too tense, too worried, her mind is still on the porch. His hands squeeze her too hard. The hallway is brightly lit. It feels clinical.

“No” she says as he hitches up her skirt

“Oh come on” he says, kissing her neck “it’s been weeks. Henry’s in bed, Rolly’s at a sleepover”. All she can think of is Emma in her car, waiting to drive to the docks and Hook’s grin at her as if he’d won something. Emma’s nose brushing hers bursts into her mind. She wants to forget. She poofs them up to her room where the lights are off and the shadows are long.

“Oh yes” Robin says, pulling off his clothes. Hers fall away too. They’re on the bed and he buries his face between her legs. It’s a little rough, his stubble grazes her skin, she can feel his tongue but she feels no lust or longing. Until she closes her eyes and thinks of Emma. A shudder of pleasure runs through her. Emma, drunk to explain the clumsiness, between her legs, tongue dancing around her clit then licking it quickly. She thinks of her lips, imagines her sweeping her curly blonde hair out of the way, imagines her fingers pushing inside. She moans as she feels herself wanting more.

“Fingers” she says

“What?” He asks

“Fingers, inside”

“Why would I do that when I’ve got the real thing?” He asks, taking that as his queue.

“I don’t want-” she’s cut off, feeling him push into her.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this” he goans. 

She wants the vision of Emma again, the fantasy. Her lie is better than this reality. This reality is far too close to something she remembers very well. A tear slips from her closed eyes and she is gone.  
__  
She’s in the orchard of her childhood home. There is a chill in the air and a hint of woodsmoke. There are more trees than she can count though each time she tries. She names the fruit of each one she passes Cox’s Orange Pippin, D’arcy Spice and her favourite Honeycrisp. The weather is autumnal. She walks until she is cold and then some. The colder she gets the more satisfying the hot apple juice that awaits her in the kitchen. She stays until the light starts to fade, until she feels her body left alone before making her way back.  
  
Robin kisses her shoulder. “Thank you, darling” he says, rolling over to sleep.  
_  
At least_ he _said thank you._

-

Robin appears in the kitchen in trousers and a vest. “Good morning” he says warily. He glances at Henry.

“Sweetheart, would you go upstairs and finish getting ready for school?”

“I’m basically ready, mom”

“And we’ll pick up breakfast from the diner on the way” Henry is gone before she can rescind the offer. _He is far too much like his mother,_ she thinks fondly. Robin hovers until the kitchen door closes.

“You didn’t come back to bed last night...is everything alright?”

“No” she says, not coldly. He sits at the table. “I think things have not been alright for a while”

“Not since Emma left” he says with spite

“This isn’t about Emma’s sacrifice” she emphasises the last word and focuses it on him. She won’t have him diminishing Emma’s actions, especially when they were to save her. “Last night was...uncomfortable for me”

“But you said you were ready-”

“I didn’t” she cuts him off “I didn’t say I was ready and I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready to go to bed with you again and I wasn’t ready for you to ignore me when I said no”

There, she said it. Something in her chest is freezing, like a stake of ice run right through her but now she has said it.

“Regina I...didn’t hear you”

“Yes you did, you responded with coercion” she says.

This is it, she can see it in his eyes and his quickly crumpling face. He knows there is no going back from this. He knows enough about her, about her life, about what has happened to her to know that he broke something last night. 

“Darling, I’m sorry” he leans across the table for her hands and she sits back. She swallows the tears that threaten to start. She doesn’t want to hurt him. She wants him to understand.

“I believe you” she replies. For a moment they sit staring at each other. How is this what she was meant to have? How is this her soulmate? Maybe when Tink first drew them together they could have been that for each other, but she is a different person now and he has since been worn down by life. She's sad. She's sad for Robin and the life they were promised, that they fought for, which was never meant to be. She's sad she doesn't love him like she wanted to, and she’s sad he knows she doesn’t.

-

It is dark outside when Regina is ready to face everyone again. 

“We’re not getting anywhere.” Snow’s voice rings into the station corridor. “We have all this information but we need a portal to get us to Camelot before we can use any of it! And where is Regina?” 

“Ta-dah” Regina says cooly entering the room at the perfect moment. The baby is starting to cry in David’s office and Snow looks up with relief. Emma’s attention snaps up to her too, followed but a glittering smile.

“Oh good, you can take Neal” Snow says, going to get him.

“I can help!” Henry says with enthusiasm. She and Emma watch him bound after Snow with pure affection. Regina is the first to look back.

“No Pirate today?” she asks

“You know, you can use his name” 

“I’d rather not. That would imply I consider your boyfriend to be a decent human being, which I do not”

“Oh yeah, he told me you two had a thing last night”

“A thing?” _Of course he did, probably made me out to be the siren on the rock._

“Yeah” She rolls her eyes at Emma’s non-answer. “I told him he was being an idiot but I can’t say I blame him theorising about you trying to, what did he call it? Court me? I mean look at you” she gestured with her hand while her eyes grazed her up and down.

“What?” 

“Your skirts and heels and fucking unbuttoned shirts, what is that about?”

_Well, fair enough_ she thinks will a little pride that she keeps well hidden. Emma’s not getting off that lightly. 

“Excuse me, Miss Welcome To The Gun Show, you and your spray-on jeans are calling the kettle black. If he wasn’t your boyfriend-" 

“Can you stop doing that?” 

“Doing what?” She raises her voice in exasperation 

“Calling him my _boyfriend_ , like the word is dirty” She rolls her eyes again which only seems to piss Emma off further. “Get off your fucking high horse, I don’t have to be The Dark One to be with someone who wants me. You chose this, Regina. It’s like this because that’s how you want it. Stop acting like if I asked you the last time you slept with Robin your answer wouldn’t be ‘last night’" 

She’s stunned. She blushes. Emma looks disappointed and self-righteous in equal measure. _Her mother's daughter._ Her face is lined with hurt. The cut she leaves is deep, she can’t possibly know how deep, can she? 

Henry appears with Neal, unaware of the tension in the room as his mother’s face-off, and goes to sit in a desk chair with him. Regina is still watching Emma, letting the pain of her attack wash over and through her, accepting it to make herself stronger.  
  
She’s definitely Emma, but she’s darker too, closer to how she had been weeks ago when she was fighting with her parents. Except then she had never lashed out like this at Regina and now she doesn’t have her relationship with Robin to draw strength from. No shield of well at least someone loves me. Rumple said this might happen. One theory was that the two natures, light and dark, would continually resist each other like oil and water. Another was that she would still be Emma, but filled with pain and hate and the power to act on them. _Perhaps she’s somewhere in between the two. At least she has the stomach to watch her victims bleed._ She thinks darkly, finding something to admire about her even now. She takes a deep breath and glances at Henry, still engrossed in his tiny uncle. 

“I have a plan to rid you of your darkness” she says. Emma’s face lightens almost to a smile before she winces it back.

“Emma?” She stumbles to her feet and looks at the door that Hook is standing in.  
  
_Oh, still alive. What a relief._

“It’s ok, don’t panic” Regina reaches out for her, just like last night, half expecting her to throw off her hand but she doesn’t. Emma’s other arm wraps around her stomach. 

“Emma?” Snow and David reappear 

“Mom?” 

“Love?” 

“No no no no” Emma turns from them all and disappears, taking Regina with her. 

Her body hits mossy ground. 

“Fuck” she hears from a short distance away. Her eyes try to focus on the black trees against the darkening sky. She hasn’t travelled by someone else’s magic for a long time. 

“Are you o-” Emma chokes and falls to her knees again. “You shh…” she tries. Regina sits up and scoots backwards until her body hits a tree and she can retreat no further. Emma’s hands are white in the earth as she grasps for something that isn’t there. She crawls disjointedly towards her, not like a child, like an animal. 

“GO!” She manages in a voice that sounds like two people at once, before launching at her. She disappears in purple smoke and reappears not far away, hidden from sight. Emma smacks a tree so hard the trunk breaks with an earsplitting crack. It sounds like the thunder they have be hearing all week. 

“Give up!” She screams “Accept your power! You chose this!” She falls back writhing on the ground, blinding light magic sparking from her and flying out in all directions. _The lightning?_

“They’re scared of you, they don’t love you. You’re worthless. She is too good for you, she doesn’t want you.” the voice hisses out of Emma’s mouth “they don’t want you here. All you have is me!” 

Emma’s body, such a symbol of strength looks small as shards of pure light erupt from it and darkness coils around her. Regina summons her magic right to the surface, just crackling under her fingertips. 

“That’s not true” she shouts, stepping into the clearing. Emma is on her feet, facing Regina with nothing but malice in every tense muscle of her vicious scowl. 

“You” she says. Her hand is on her throat, moving metres in seconds. 

“Yes, me” the fingers tighten “keep telling Emma those lies” she can barely get her words out but she smiles anyway “she will always know when you’re lying. She is loved, and she knows it” her grip tightens still. 

Dark Emma’s face twists nastily. “I’m going to hurt you, and she’s going to watch her hands do it” 

She’s backed into a corner, dark magic throbbing just beneath her skin, all options closed and only herself to rely on. She manages a smirk, this is her comfort zone “you can try” she says as fire erupts from her hands. 

Suddenly she can breathe again. Emma’s hand is gone from her throat. She stumbles but not enough to fall. 

“You can’t beat me!” the voice says from further away, higher up. 

She whips the fire into a shield as dark magic slices at her from above. Emma disappears. The fire is gone. A familiar sense of dread alerts her a split second before the attack. Tree roots leap from the ground to trap her, but she knows this spell and casts the counter that leaves them withering on the ground, the one she could never use on her mother. 

She tries to look for Emma but her body locks in position. She feels pressure on all sides, magic seeping into her skin. It crushes and she struggles. She sees Emma a few feet ahead of her, pale face illuminated by the moonlight. 

“You can’t win when you’re fighting someone you don’t want to hurt” she laughs and crushes Regina again with what looks like minimal effort. 

She summons a defensive curse that cuts the ties that bind her. Emma’s face pops with shock and she disappears just in time to miss a searing attack. 

She can’t see Emma but that doesn’t mean she isn’t there. She closes her eyes and listens for the sound of someone trying not to be heard. Even her thundering heart seems to quieten for a moment. She whips around and releases a bolt of magic behind her. It connects with something. A yelp and a thud confirm it is Emma. 

You may have more power than me, Miss Swan, but you are a baby.” She turns, one hand on her hip and one by her side. That’s her fighting style, looking like this is the easiest thing in the world while pure destruction rages within her. 

“I killed a dragon once, asshole" 

Her heart stops. It’s Emma. She watches her get awkwardly to her feet. 

_“A dragon that I’m pretty sure you spent a considerable amount of time fucking, by the way”_  
  
How does she even know about that?  
  
“Emma?” 

“Yeah” she answers before a shadow crosses her face and she screams. She falls to the floor again and shakes. Regina is with her in seconds, holding her hand tightly over her heart. Emma’s cries are like panting for breath and she realises this is a battle she can’t fight, the one in Emma’s mind. Suddenly she understands what Emma had meant. _Why does that make it less real?_

“Emma stay with me.” 

Her eyes flutter open briefly “I don’t know what’s real” She groans with difficulty. 

“You and me here in this forest, stay here” she hisses air in through her clenched teeth as tears streak down the sides of her face. “Pancakes with Henry yesterday was real” she tries to keep her voice even but panic fills her chest. _What is happening? What is she seeing?_ She’s drowning. 

“The first time you invited me for dinner even though no one wanted me there, that was real” Emma is shaking violently. She can feel dark magic pouring from her, but she doesn’t dare take her eyes from her. 

“When we caused an lunar eclipse to save Henry, that was real. When you told the town that Gold set that fire, that was real. That was the moment I started to respect you and I knew I was done for. When you insisted on putting yourself in harms way to protect me from those witches, when I was just trying to keep you safe, that was real, you idiot.” 

Sobs pour from Emma. _Is this helping?_ She doesn’t know, but she continues. She doesn’t notice the light magic pouring from their joined hands, soaking into Emma like shimmering water into parched earth. 

“When you took my side in Neverland, that was real. When you brought Henry back even though you could have stayed in New York, that was real. Everything good you have ever done is real, Emma. The rest doesn’t matter. Please don’t leave me” Tears slide down her nose as Emma's eyes roll back in her head. 

Dark magic roars around them. She can hear it calling to her. Her fingers itch for release. Part of her aches for it, for the darkness she is so good at wielding. _The only thing you've ever been good at,_ it whispers so loud she hears nothing else. But her arms are full of Emma. Tortured, battered, bruised Emma, who only ever wanted someone to care for, and someone to care for her. 

She’s scared, scared Emma is not going to make it, scared they will die alone in the woods and no one in the town will know that the darkness is coming for them. Who will be left to protect them? To protect Henry? 

Dark magic slicks up her arm, climbing and twisting like fractals of smoke turning to cement. It grips so hard it crunches her bones. Emma is still squirming in her grip as the darkness continues to climb. It burns into the skin of her chest, tendrils reaching for her neck. 

In a screaming instant the darkness that blots out the world around leaps into the air to pounce back upon them. Regina’s free hand is outstretched towards it, casting the strongest protection spell she knows. The one that takes the caster’s life. She always thought she would use it for Henry, but in this moment of clarity she knows that Emma was always the one it was meant for. 

Golden light cascades around them. From the outside it looks like lightning in a tornado. She cranes over Emma, protecting her still. She always thought death would be scary, that it would be painful and incredibly violent, but this is none of those things. She is overcome with sadness as her skin touches Emma’s. She smells fresh laundry and cinnamon as her life and strength are pulled from her body. Death isn’t something to fear, life is. Bad decisions, missed opportunities. She thinks of Emma’s nose brushing hers. _At least it happened in our heads._ Her final act is her confession, her promise, her gift. 

She thinks she hears Henry’s voice slice through the slowing, blurring darkness. Her heart warms, her little prince. And then quiet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I know I'm a terrible person. There's one more chapter to go, I'm aiming to put it up tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so much longer than expected, but to make up for it, this chapter is massive.
> 
> There's an epilogue tacked onto the end, it's a little rough but I didn't want to make you wait for the rest any longer. I hope you like it. 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. Feedback is always appreciated! <3

Emma bites her thumb knuckle hard. So hard it hurts. She can't keep her jaw from clenching. She can't keep her entire body from constricting, straining to keep everything in, keep it together. She stands stiff, shoulders hunched, elbows in, knees in, muscles aching but it's not enough. She pulls in closer wanting to be smaller, wanting not to exist.

She leans on the same bit of counter she always leans on in Regina's kitchen. It's the one where she's least in the way, which means she can often get away with sitting on it with only a mild scolding. It feels wrong to be here. _Everything feels wrong._

Mary Margaret is opening drawers looking for spoons, opening cupboards looking for cups and coffee, letting the doors close too loudly.

"Emma do you know where-"

She pulls the drawer next to her open. Cutlery. Mary Margaret nods and takes what she needs.

"Co-"

"The cupboard on your right” 

"-ffee?..Thank you" Mary Margaret says quietly. Emma ignores the shake in her voice

"And-"

"For god’s sake!" Emma snaps. She jabs a hand in the direction of her mother. Magic flies out and she jumps. The coffee is made, cups and saucers laid out in place of the mugs Mary Margaret had found. Regina uses cups. Mary Margaret purses her lips, her eyes swimming with tears. She looks up and Emma turns to stare unseeing at the wall again.

"Henry?" Mary Margaret asks, her voice wobbling again.

"I don't want anything" he says quietly watching Emma. "Thanks"

Her mind is still racing. She should have done something, she should have fought it harder, done something to keep herself in reality, something to stop Regina-

She swallows the lump in her throat again. She can't look at her mother, barely holding herself together, she can't look at her son frowning and sitting up straight in his chair, looking impossibly like Regina.

Before she knows what she’s doing she’s outside. The sun is starting to come up like nothing has happened, like life can continue, like it should continue. A noise of pure pain tears out of her. Her tears fall and she stumbles to the apple tree for support. Her vision gets fuzzy and white noise fills her ears.

 _It’s my fault it’s my fault it’s my fault_ is all she can think. She clutches the fabric covering her chest and pulls. It feels like a piece of glass is stuck in her heart, cutting her deeper with every beat. Her tears are followed by sobs, the kind that can’t be constricted into a neat sound, the messy, uncontrollable kind that hurt her throat even to get them out. 

She can’t seem to breathe properly anymore. She panics, she knows this feeling. She recalls the techniques she had learned for this with Archie.  
_  
Five things I can see,_ she thinks looking at the grass, flowers, sky, Henry’s painted birdhouse, apples on the ground. _Four things I can hear, water dripping on leaves, a car on the road, birds, my heart beating._ It seems to be slowing, her breath is coming easier, _three things I can touch, the tree, the grass,_ she moves her feet in it slightly. She reaches to her pockets to see what’s in them. A key. _Regina’s house key._ She lets herself fall roughly on the ground against the trunk. _Two things I can smell,_ she breathes deeply in through her nose. _Fresh air._ She breathes in again. _The leafy beginning of autumn smell. One thing I can taste. Bile, blood, stomach acid._ She shakes her head. She’s only allowed one thing. _Blood._

Cold seeps into her. She ignores it and continues to hate light that creeps into the garden. Her sharp and shallow breaths are the only thing she can hear until she’s joined by footsteps in the grass. _If this is someone coming to ask if I want coffee or cocoa or to sleep, like anything will fucking help I swear to…_

“Hey Ma” Henry says. She lets her breath out.

“Hey kid” she feels the tingle at the end of her nose that means tears and swallows them back. He sits next to her.

“They’re just doing what they have to to carry on” He says

“I know” she replies, though it comes out in a whisper. They sit in silence watching the blackness around them turn to grey.

“Did she ever tell you about the apple tree?” She asks

“Yeah. They used to have loads of different ones, but this was her favourite so she brought it with her to King Leopold’s palace and then here”

She wonders if he has any idea what Leopold was like. Regina never talked about him, but she recognised the deflections, cast down eyes and colour draining from her face whenever his name was mentioned. _This tree has travelled with her from one nightmare world to the next._

“It can survive temperatures as low as 40 below and keep growing” she says mechanically, repeating Regina’s exact words to her “It can weather any storm” Henry wraps his arm around her and she leans into it.

“When did you get to be so tall?” she asks

“I hear it happens to some people over time” He replies

“Well stop it”

“Ma?”

“Yeah”

“I think you need to let it out”

“Let what out?”

“Your knuckles are white and your shoulders are practically in your ears.”

He’s right, she realises. She stretches out her hands briefly and curls them back up until her nails press uncomfortably into her palms, underneath the little purple crescents she had already made there.

“I think if I start...I might not be able to stop” 

“I think that’s ok”

 _Oh my god._ That’s it. Hot tears spring to her eyes again. She leans her head into his shoulder and he squeezes her tighter. The mask she has worn in front of them all night cracks and her face splits in pain. Henry only holds her and she’s ashamed to put this on her son. On _her_ son. On their son. He rubs her arm and that makes it worse. She’s shaking. She feels his hand in hers. 

-

She has stopped crying. Instead she stares into space re-running conversations in her head. _What if I hurt someone? I won’t let you... And she didn’t, did she? Except her._

“You wanna go back?” Henry asks eventually. She realises he must be cold. Freezing, actually. She’s freezing.

“I should”

“You don’t have to, I’ll tell them to leave you alone” He says, getting up and wiping dirt from his jeans.

“No it’s ok. Someone should make sure Mary Margaret doesn’t break anything important” she says. It’s a joke but it’s empty and he doesn’t respond. Nothing Mary Margaret can break can’t be fixed and nothing Mary Margaret can break seems important.

Hook’s voice filters through into the hallway and Emma stops before they reach the door. Henry stops too, looking up at her to see what’s wrong.

“Where is she?” Hook demands

“Just leave her, she’ll come back when she’s ready” David says

“Is she alright?”

“Yeah…” He sounds uncertain

“What happened?”

“The darkness just took over and Regina and Henry...they saved her” Mary Margaret says

“Oh yeah, Regina The Hero, I’ve heard that line before”

“Killian” David’s warning tone chimes in

“Oh come on, what’s the catch? Was the boy in danger too?”

“No, she saved Emma”

“How, by putting herself between her and the dark one? Like the fucking nutcase that she is?” Wood screeches on marble

“That’s enough” David says, anger in his voice sharp even through the solid oak door “we all have a lot of history with Regina, but I will not listen to this, not now, not here”

Henry’s hand is in Emma’s. This time it’s not for her benefit, it’s for his. She squeezes it, and they remain in the hall.

“Alright mate! Where’s knobhead anyway?”

“Killian” David warns

“Who?” Mary Margaret asks

“Hood” Hook replies

“Oh” Mary Margaret says reproachfully “in the forest, I imagine. They broke up” Emma’s eyes flash down to Henry questioningly. He nods and her other hand flies to cover her mouth. _Oh my god._ She replays their last conversation in her mind. _Oh no._

“What?!”

“Yeah, something about not being compatible” David says. _That sounds like a load of crap, they seemed plenty compatible,_ she thinks.

“Yeah, I think something happened, we don’t know what. Henry mentioned it in passing. I didn’t want to pry” David says 

“It’s really nobody’s business” Mary Margaret says, ending all further discussion of it.

“Bloody Hell” Hook says, but Emma isn’t listening to them anymore.

_You chose this, Regina. It’s like this because that’s how you want it. Stop acting like if I asked you the last time you slept with Robin your answer wouldn’t be ‘last night'_

_Oh fuck._ Regina’s shocked face flashes into her mind. She wasn’t just hurt she was something else that she couldn’t put her finger on. And now she knows they broke up. _The two must be connected._ She knows how serious Regina was about all that fate and destiny crap, like he was her last chance at love, at living. Whatever was going on between her and Emma had tested that conviction repeatedly. _She wouldn’t throw that away. He did something, he must have._ Her guilt evolves into anger, at herself and at Robin. She’s going to find out what he did and-

“Mom” Henry says, interrupting her thoughts

“Shit, kid. Sorry” She lets go of his hand and he shakes it out. She can feel the air around her fizzing with magic.

“It’s ok” Henry says __

_Your answer wouldn’t be ‘last night’_

_Fuck._ All she can see is Regina's hurt face, the scar on her lip that's more pronounced when she pouts, her narrowing eyes locked onto hers. She made a direct hit and she knew it. She was glad.

How had they gone from from pancakes with their son 24 hours ago, to Regina’s reassuring hand on her back keeping her calm in the face of her parents’ questions, to holding her baby brother, feeling like a mother and a protector and part of a growing family, the opposite of replaced, and Regina’s knowing smile and the ache in her heart...to this?

"Ok" she says, and they enter the kitchen.

"Emma" Mary Margaret says with a smile. Brief relief from the pained, watery expression that creeps back onto her face. "I know you don't want coffee but you should have something. There's a glass of water there"

It's in her spot. The place she always leans to watch Regina cook or pour wine or complain about her being there even though she can’t hide the smile in her eyes while she does it.

"When was the last time you ate?"  
_  
Pancakes._ She pull her hand from her jacket pocket, showing them an apple from the tree. She had taken a bite out of morbid curiosity. Would it send her to sleep? That would be preferable to this. But she didn't fall asleep. She's still here. Henry sits beside David again who wraps a strong arm around him. Nobody asks either of them how they are, and she's grateful for that at least.

"Love" Hook says 

"You should go" she cuts him off before he can say something idiotic. David and Mary Margaret look up at her quickly.

"I've just got here"

"I don't think you should be here" _In Regina’s house, who invited you? She wouldn’t want you here._ He stares back. 

"But I-"

"I said go, Killian"

"I don't think-"

"Jesus Christ, I am too fucking tired and sore and” she hesitates “heartbroken" fresh tears appear at the word as she finally admits what she has been thinking for hours, and denying for much longer "to care what you think, Killian. Do as I ask for once and leave me alone."

David tears his eyes from her to look at him. She never thought she'd have a father to throw her boyfriend out of the house, or that if she did she'd be grateful for it, but she is.

"Come on man, I'll walk you out" he says. She ignores Mary Margaret’s hand clutching over her heart and Henry's blank stare at the table.

"I bloody knew it" he says jabbing a finger at her. Her eyes drop to the ground, though she doesn't miss David shoving him through the kitchen door by his shoulder.

She knew it too. She told him she loved him and she had wanted to. She tried. She was going to give it her best shot, give him her best shot, but that was before Regina was in trouble and she chose her over him, over herself. And she would choose her over and over again. The mother of her son, curse maker and breaker, the only person in this town more starved of love and happiness than her. She would always choose her and in the end Regina had chosen her back. And that was the worst thing of all. 

She wraps her arms around herself again. She thinks of the one and only time they had ever hugged. In the mansion, in the library while their hearts tore each other apart. 

"Henry" Mary Margaret’s voice interrupts her thoughts "do you think, now that we're alone again, you could explain a bit more about what happened?"

“I thought you were there?” Emma asks quietly

“We’re not all as quick as a 15 year old boy whose mothers need him” Mary Margaret replies. An image of her mother hurdling a fallen tree comes to mind. _No I suppose not._ She nods in answer. As she covers her eyes she sees Henry straighten himself in the chair before he retells the story, just like she does. 

"Ma and Mom were fighting in the station” Her heart throbs again, that piece of glass slicing deeper “and then Emma disappeared taking Mom by accident-"

"How-” Emma interrupts "how do you know it was my accident and not the Dark One's plan?"

He frowns, thinking back for a moment. "Because you looked like you. You get this look when you think nobody's watching. Like everything hurts way more than you're letting on" Her heart sinks and she goes back to watching the floor. "When you were gone and she wasn't herself I was worried about her. I put an app on her phone so I could find her-"

"Did you tell her you did that?" She interrupts again

"No, I didn't want her to know I was checking up on her"  
_  
That's sweet and messed up._

“So that’s how we found you. And” he seemed to struggle for words. He’s so big now but sometimes he looks just like the toddler from her memories. From Regina’s memories, she corrects her thoughts. “It was like a hurricane of dark and light, it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Oh yeah we came by the house on the way and I took the dagger” he jumps backwards in his storytelling. She flinches at the mention of it. “I...don’t think I should tell you how. You know. Just in case” 

She nods quickly and tightens her arms around herself. Mary Margaret seems closer to her than before.

“And Hook took baby Neal to Ashley’s. So we found you in this hurricane that was glowing from the inside. I couldn’t even see you until the dark magic suddenly shot up into the air and Mom was holding you”

She covers her eyes again. New tears sting them. Mary Margaret’s arm slips around her waist and she doesn’t mind. She considers turning into her, burying her face in her neck and letting her rub her back, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t deserve it.

“And light seemed to fill the whole forest and you were glowing, you both were and the darkness looked like it turned in the air and came down at you. Mom covered you and cast her spell…” He trails off. She can hear in his voice that he’s on the verge of tears. “I called the Dark One as it hit the barrier and everything kind of exploded...If I’d been quicker it might have helped-”

“No” Emma says, sliding from her mother’s embrace to go to him. She wraps her arms around him and he buries his face in her side “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this. None of this is your fault, do you hear me?” _It’s mine. It’s all mine._

“She’s right, Henry” Gold’s voice surprises them all. He leans heavily on his cane in the doorway. Blue stands behind him, looking tense and uncomfortable as ever. “A second sooner and the darkness at it’s full power would have overwhelmed you. A second later and Regina would have completed her spell. You timed it perfectly. You gave them both their best shot.” Henry wipes his tears away, and they are replaced immediately with new ones.

“Is she..?” Emma doesn’t dare finish her sentence. _Alive? Improving? Gone?_ Blue’s eyes drop to the ground. _No._

“She’s showing no signs of improving” Gold says with genuine regret “She’s not fighting”

“What do you mean she’s not fighting?” Emma asks.

“She gave herself up, Emma. She accepted death and-”

“But you said she didn’t finish the spell!” She’s shouting. It’s not Gold’s fault. He’s looking at her with more empathy than she can handle. She disappears into black smoke.

“Emma?” Mary Margaret shouts from downstairs

“You’re not fighting?” Emma shouts as she stomps up to Regina, cold and lying still on her bed. “Of all the fucking things, you’re not fighting me on this? That is so fucking typical!” She hears running up the stairs. “How many fucking times have you given everything for this town? For me? For Henry? And you won’t fight for yourself?”

“Mom!” Henry is the first through the door. He flies at her and she catches him.

“I don’t know what to do, Henry” she whispers into his hair as he hugs her tighter than she ever remembers.

“I don’t either”

“It might be best if you say-” Blue begins

“Don’t you fucking dare say ‘say goodbye’” Emma cuts her off. Her heart is beating in her ears and her head pounds “can’t you use fairy dust?” she asks her “don’t you have any magic?” she asks Gold as he enters. He shakes his head. 

“No magic can restore life” Blue says, imperious as fuck.

“But you said she isn’t dead!”

“That won’t be the case for much longer” Blue says. Mary Margaret makes her way to the other side of the bed. David holds her hand as she reaches for Regina’s with the other. Henry lets go of Emma and does the same.

“There has to be another way” Emma says to them as they blur before her eyes.

“There isn’t” Gold says quietly.

She watches her family crying over Regina and thinks back to the forest. All she could hear was her voice. The only thing anchoring her to the real world, filling her heart painfully with light magic, filling up her depleted stores, driving out the dark. _Every good thing you’ve ever done was real, the rest doesn’t matter._

“Her heart rate is slowing” Mary Margaret says quietly. Emma looks back at them. “I can’t think of another heart that’s been through more than hers, that has survived more.” she looks up at Henry “your mother felt her emotions more deeply than anyone I have ever met. She loves you so much. She will always be so proud of you.” 

Emma is thinking of Regina ripping out her heart in the Enchanted Forest. Mary Margaret told her she had tried to bury it. Now she understands the feeling. If everyone who cared about her wasn’t in the room right now she might try it herself. She goes to kneel at the bed between Henry and Regina, her hands together over her nose and mouth.

“I will always be grateful to you, Regina” Mary Margaret says, finally giving way to her tears. She stands and David wraps her in his arms. His jaw clenches as he looks down the woman who tried to kill him before she saved his life and the lives of everyone he loves.

Henry is shaking and crying at her side. She can’t look at him. She can’t look anywhere but at Regina’s face. She’s never going to see her again. She’s never going to hear her rumbling laugh. She’s never going to be called an idiot again or be told off for swearing in front of Henry. This is the end of their story, before it even had a chance to begin.

“You’ve saved the lives of everyone in this town, Regina. But before you did any of that you saved me” it comes out as a whisper. She wishes they were alone, she doesn’t want to share this with everyone, but it’s everyone or no one and she can’t let Regina go without saying it. The only sounds in the room are Emma’s quiet voice and grief. “You brought me back to what matters, you forced me to step up and I hated you for it. I hated all of this, but I wouldn’t change what we did, who we became, together” She reaches out to brush the hair from her face. 

“I know we don’t talk about it, but you’re going to have to make an exception for me this time” she says, her voice shaking. Her heart feels like it’s shaking, all of her does. “I love you” she admits and presses a kiss to her temple, just as she did Henry years ago.

A pulse of magic and light radiates out from them. Emma jumps back in surprise. She knows that feeling. She meets Henry’s wide eyes with her own.

-

Regina feels herself thrown back into life. She sits up, gasping for breath like she has been underwater for too long. For a moment she sees nothing but a million shards of magic.  
_  
I’m alive,_ she thinks. _I’m alive._ And she is overwhelmed by sadness. Her spell didn’t work. She’s supposed to be dead. She was supposed to save Emma. Tears spring to her eyes as she thinks of her, probably torn apart by dark p…

The world comes into focus and she sees Gold and Blue at the end of her bed, Snow and David staring down at her from her right. She turns to see Henry’s beaming smile and Emma’s eyes and mouth wide open in shock.

Emma stares for approximately half a second before launching herself onto her, knocking the air from her lungs. She catches her and doesn’t care. 

“Oh my god” Emma cries “You’re ok. Oh my god”. Her arms wrap tightly around her shoulders. Her face is buried in her neck. It’s like being hugged by a child. She hugs her back with one arm and opens the other just in time to catch Henry.

“Mom!”

She smiles and tears of her own escape the corners of her eyes. She sees Gold at the end of the bed again.

“Well isn’t that something” he says with a genuine smile. Even Blue looks pleased, if uncomfortable.

“I can’t breathe” she croaks when the hug passes the threshold of discomfort into pain.

“Sorry, sorry” Emma and Henry let go and sit back on the bed. On her legs, actually she realises. “I just...you’re ok” Emma smiles and it is all brightness and dimples and Regina is sure sunrise hits her window at that very moment.

“What happened?” she asks looking between the two of them. Henry is wiping his eyes with his sleeve. Her hand finds his and he holds it tightly.

“Henry. Henry saved us all” Emma beams with pride “He had the dagger”

Regina flinches “What? It was protected! Are you ok?” she asks him, touching his face and he nods into her hand “Who has it now?” she turns back to Emma.

“I put it back” Henry says. She stares at him 

“How?”

“I don’t think I should say just now” he glances at Emma.

“No. Fine” she agrees “Did it affect you?” She strokes his cheek with her thumb and he shakes his head in answer.

“Are you still…”

“The Dark One? Yeah” Emma moves to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. An old habit, there’s nothing to tuck.

“How did you find us?” she asks. Henry’s cheeks tint with pink

“Henry tracked you with his phone” Emma says.

“I wonder where he got that idea from, bounty hunter” she nudges Emma with her knee.

They fall silent. Emma still holding her hand, tracing circles on the back of it, bumping over her knuckles, stroking the length of her fingers.

“Regina” Snow leans down and kisses her on the cheek. For a moment she stares in surprise, glances at David who is smiling down at her too, then looks back at Snow. She looks like the little girl she met, crying because she was scared of her horse.

“Thank you, Regina” she says and smiles widely. A small smile creeps onto her lips and brightens in her eyes. She doesn’t know what to say back. She looks at Emma again, who still looks a little terrified and Snow follows her gaze.

“Henry, you think you could bring something up for Regina?”

“You want some water, mom?”

“Yes please, Henry”

Snow and Charming leave the room smiling and Henry follows to get water. Gold and Blue slipped away without anyone noticing. 

“What is it?” she asks when the door closes. 

“Nothing” Emma says

She frowns and tilts her head to see Emma’s expression better. She’s frowning too. Her fingers still draw circles, involuntary goosebumps creep up Regina's arm.

“It’s just…” she stops and covers her face.

Whatever it is, she wants to know right away, she wants to fix it. As she waits for Emma to be ready, worried scenarios skipping through her mind, each worse than the last. _Did I hurt someone? Did she hurt someone?_ Emma takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes.

“I thought you’d died, Regina. I know you didn’t but-”

Regina’s heart feels like it is trying to break free from her body “Emma” she sits forward and touches her arms. Emma turns it into a hug. _Clean laundry, cinnamon, autumn leaves,_ Regina thinks as she breathes her in. She can feel her crying silently and holds her tighter.

“We’re ok, Emma” she says and Emma pulls back to sit on her legs again.

“I couldn’t breathe watching you lay here.” She says “I can’t breathe without you knowing how...how loved you are.” 

“Emma-”

“No, shut up or I’ll lose my nerve” She purses her lips and raises her eyebrows. She doesn’t remember the last time someone told her to shut up, but it is safe to say it didn’t end well for them.

Emma looks up and another diamond glints and falls from her eye “You and Henry, you’re my life. If you let me, I want a chance to be yours too.” Her body is a rod of tension waiting for something, anything from Regina.

She believes her. She believes everything she has said. Her mind automatically reels through every excuse she has ever made, every reason, every mental list of pros and cons.

As Emma watches her with impressive patience, probably the most she has ever exhibited, she lets herself accept that those arguments mean nothing. She wants all the disagreements they are bound to have. She wants to fight over Emma's complete disregard for coasters, when she accidentally swears in front of Henry and then swears when she realises, when she insists Regina take a break when she doesn't want to give herself one. 

It’s so typical of Emma to only ask for a chance, not her whole life, as if she hadn’t given it to her already, again and again.

“I...want that too” she says. The words are not difficult to get out. It's like she's watching herself say them. Like she doesn't know what ever stopped her.

“You do?” Emma asks still braced for another shoe to drop.  
_  
Snow White is going to be insufferable._ She smiles tentatively, letting the moment sink in half wondering if this can even be real, then it takes her over completely and she smiles with everything she has (maybe it's a bearclaw). Emma looks like she might cry again.

The only thing in the world that could stop Regina smiling in this moment is Emma’s lips on hers. Emma’s hand brushes her cheek and slides into her hair and their lips meet. They both feel the tingling rush of magic. Not the fearful kind, the heat of the sun kind, the scent of apple blossom kind, the sound of Henry's laugh kind.

Emma smiles against her lips, it’s unlike anything she has ever felt before and a burst of light really does break into the room this time. _Sunrise._ Their eyes open automatically. Emma’s are the colour of summer. Her cheeks are flushed, the whiteness of her skin seems to recede momentarily. Regina watches it creep back across her face. Neither of them can take in enough of the other, neither will let go.

“I can’t believe this is happening” Emma says quietly

“I can” Regina says “It’s poetic. It all feels...right” Bits of light magic hang in the air, giving the room an ethereal glow. What can she say? She has just shared true loves kiss with a woman she spent a considerable about of time trying to kill. She doesn't think words exist for this kind of situation.

"You ok?" She asks Emma

She hesitates "yeah"

Regina's eyes narrow "That was not convincing"

Emma smiles out of awkwardness "I feel weird" she says, the wrinkle in her brow appearing. Her fingers trace Regina's, curl around her wrists and make her lose her concentration. "I have thought about this" she tips her head at Regina who makes a feeble attempt to disguise the smile that comes to her unbidden. "A lot. And if I just want you because I used to really hate you, or because you're my son's mother or because you are" Emma closes her eyes for a movement "smokin' hot" Regina rolls her eyes but feels a flutter in her stomach. "Or if I wanted you because I couldn't have you." Emma's eyes fall down to her hands. "And now I don't think it's any of those things, I mean don't get me wrong you are-" she raises her eyebrows 

"I get the message, dear" Regina says "what is it?"

"It's not any of those...excuses. It's real. And that feels like it should be scary. Are you scared?"

Regina looks up at the woman sitting, essentially, in her lap. She's chewing the inside of her lip nervously, like Henry does. Her cheeks are still a little pink.

"I just nearly died Emma. You brought me back.” She moves a stray stand of hair out of Emma’s face. Her hair pulled back looks straight, but it has started to curl again and come loose. “I trust you and I trust the trials we've been through. I was scared for a long time, but I'm not anymore, but if you are that's ok."

Emma smiles. "It's kind of a big deal to have true loves kiss before we've even been on a date" her eyes drop to Regina's lips.

She smiles and sits up. Her arms wrap around Emma's waist. "Well, how old fashioned and sweet of you. Would you like to wait to kiss again until our first date?" She smiles.

"Um" Emma tilts her head down towards her, seeming to close the gap between them unconsciously "do you?" She asks, breath brushing Regina's lips

"It's entirely up to you, Miss Swan" Regina leans just out of her reach

"I don't think we should wait" Emma says, following

"Only if you're sure" Regina leans back a little further, teasing her and smiling.

"No waiting" Emma leans into her "do you know how much I like it when you call me that?"

Regina smiles innocently and scoots back so she is against the headboard "when I call you what, Miss Swan?"

Emma bites her lip "unf" the space between them grows smaller and smaller. The butterflies in Regina's stomach reach peak activity.

"What about when I call you...Sheriff?" 

"Yeah I like that too" Emma smiles stretching the last few inches "Madam Mayor"

Their lips meet again and it’s not chaste like the first time, there is warmth and longing in it. It just feels like them.

"I brought you some tea too, mom" Henry announces as he enters.

Emma leaps off the bed so quickly Regina can hardly believe she didn’t use magic. She stuffs her hands into her back pockets and watches Henry wide eyed. He sets the tea and water on the bedside table, scoots onto the bed to sit next to Regina, back against the headboard. When he’s settled they both look up to Emma, still shuffling by the bed.

“I, um...sorry kid, I was just…”

“You don’t have to explain it to me Emma. I know what people do when they like each other” he says, as if there’s nothing in the world that can shock him. Regina’s heart swells with pride at her little prince. She looks back to Emma.

“Yeah, um” she scratches her head “If you wanna talk about it, we can” It’s painfully awkward and also adorable. 

“I think the cat’s out of the bag a bit, Ma. Kind of since you sacrificed yourself to the darkness, and all that stuff you said to Mom before you both shared True Love’s Kiss”

“That’s a good point” Emma deflates a little and seems to relax. Regina smiles at her and she looks back like she can’t believe it’s real.

“What ‘stuff’?” Regina asks

“Oh. I’ll tell you later” she mumbles, sitting back on the bed, finding Regina’s hand again.

“I mean, I’ve suspected for a while” Henry shrugs

“You have?” They say simultaneously.

“Yeah moms. I’m not as oblivious as you think”

Regina looks down at him, not as ‘down’ as she used to, but she clings to the last bit of ‘down’ she can get. She should scold him for his cheek but she can’t seem to bring herself to. Not while he’s smiling at them so brightly. Not while Emma is holding her hand and she doesn’t have to feel guilty. Not today.

 

Epilogue **_(because after all that they deserve a bit of time alone as themselves, right?)_ **

“Everyone is gone and Henry’s in bed” Emma says, closing the bedroom door and making her way over to Regina who is sitting there in her bathrobe. She checks her clock. It’s 7.23 but it feels like 11.30. 

“Good bath?” Emma asks

“Yes, but I’m tired now” She sits back against her headboard. She’s soothed by Emma’s proximity even though they weren’t apart for long.

“That’s understandable. I should probably go” Emma says, without actually making a move to leave.

“Everything you said earlier, about me saving you by making you step up, you did the same for me, you know. You pushed me so far I had no choice and I think I got the point across about how much I hated that” Emma smiles. “Thank you for telling me, again. It must have been difficult to say that in front of the entire clan, an imp and a nun” 

Emma laughs “An ex-imp. I’m the imp now” her smile fades.

“I think what Gold said about...us...restoring your light magic is true. I think your strength is up. I haven’t seen a shadow of your other self about you all day” Emma’s face is glum just talking about it. “It’s a good thing, Emma” she nudges her with her foot. Emma rolls her eyes. “we can look out for encroaching darkness. As soon as you feel anything unlike yourself, just say and we’ll deal with it”

“It just sucks”

“Very verbose, darling” She watches Emma’s dimples appear slowly, as if against her will. She smiles to herself, finding comfort in their back-and-forth.

“My tongue has its talents” Emma replies. 

Regina raises an eyebrow in reply, letting Emma read into that what she will. One knee up and one down she moisturises her legs. Emma swallows while she watches. “I think you’ve rubbed it all in” she says, kicking her shoes off to climb onto the bed.

“Oh you do, Miss Swan?” 

“I do” Emma has a hand on the bed either side of Regina’s waist and drags her eyes upwards to her sultry smiling lips. 

“Maybe you can check for me?”

Emma runs a hand up her leg, brushing her short silk robe aside until her fingers hit lace.

“My god, Regina” she’s staring at where her exposed thigh meets white underwear. “I pictured you in black, and red, and a lot of other things but never white” _What does that mean?_ Her heart stops briefly watching Emma’s eyes widen, she’ll ask her later what else she pictured her in... 

Emma tugs the robe slightly, exposing a strip of her stomach, up to her matching bra and her chest. “Fuck, white is hotter than them all” she says before leaning up for a kiss.

Regina’s heart starts again and she kisses Emma back with renewed happiness. Emma brings her leg up to support herself. It brushes Regina and an involuntary sigh escapes her. Emma presses her lips harder to hers and clutches her face. She kisses her back, then sliding her hands over Emma’s she pulls away.

“Hey, you ok?” she asks, searching Emma’s face. _She doesn’t feel ok._

“I’m sorry” Emma says. Her eyes close and a wrinkle appears on her forehead. She rolls onto the bed beside Regina, cheeks pink with embarrassment “Just...apprehensive. I think I need to go slow”

Regina rolls onto her side, pulling her robe back over her thigh, though it falls open a little more towards the bed. Emma gulps and looks away.

“Slow sounds perfect” She takes Emma’s wrist, lifts her arm and tucks herself into the space. Emma’s arm curls around her, hand resting at her waist. “We can go as slow as you want”

“I can’t believe this is real” Emma says “It’s too good, it’s too much...what I want”

Regina smiles “I know exactly what you mean. I half expect something to come crashing through the window.”

Emma’s stomach bounces as she laughs. “Yeah, the next villain”

“You can talk, Dark One” Emma smiles, looking more like herself and less like the Dark One than ever. Regina sighs. She could be happy just like this forever. Her hand rests on Emma’s stomach, lifting and falling as she breathes.

After a while Regina pulls her black tank up revealing her abdomen, but no higher. “Can I touch you here?” she asks. Emma nods. She gently drags her nails over her skin, around her belly button, over her ribs, along her waistband and Emma shudders, peppered with goosebumps. “Too much?”

“Nope” Emma leans down and kisses her. Her lips are soft, slow and gentle but insistent. An involuntary noise of contentment sighs from her and she feels Emma smile and flick her tongue against her lip, asking permission for more. She gives it, opening up to another level of intimacy that she revels in as she feels Emma’s pace increase slowly. _Slow is good,_ she thinks, enjoying every second of this.

Their breathing gets heavier as they kiss and sigh and moan with less apprehension. Emma uses her leg to pull Regina’s closer to her. The hand at her waist squeezes her hips and slides down her thigh. She wants more. She reaches up between them and runs a finger along the neckline of Emma’s shirt, tugging gently. Emma hums agreement without opening her eyes.

A rush of anticipation goes through her. She lets her hand drop to Emma’s breast. She doesn’t squeeze at first, she traces the shape gently with her fingers before allowing herself that. No bra, she thanks a heaven she doesn’t believe in. She squeezes gently, overwhelmed by how good it feels and Emma hums again. Her thumb finds her nipple and bumps over it, softly at first, then more insistently. 

Emma’s short fingernails drag up the side of her thigh and trail across the back seam of her underwear. Another request for permission. “Mmhmm” Regina hums and Emma’s hand slides down to squeeze her ass. Emma sighs and rolls her hips into her. Regina obliges, sliding her thigh between her legs. Emma rolls again and groans.

They break away, reluctantly breathing the air they need. Their legs are tangled, Regina’s hand is now under Emma’s shirt, enjoying the warmth of her skin and the contact with her taut nipple. 

“You want to stop?” She asks, desperately hoping the answer is “no”. She presses her thighs together in discomfort at the wetness that has begun between them. Emma looks down at her, then back up, recognition in her eyes. “It’s ok if you do” she says so Emma can see she truly means it.

“I don’t. Want to stop. I feel ok, still me” Emma says and she smiles. She wants to know how far she can go, what she can give Emma and what Emma wants to give back.

“Is it ok if I touch you?” She asks. Emma’s eyes widen and she nods. Regina’s hands feel cold as she slides one into Emma’s unbuttoned jeans. 

“Gosh” she says, finding Emma in a similar state to herself. Her fingers slip easily into her, hot and wet already. Emma grins, but it changes quickly to something else as her eyes close and her brow furrows.

“God, Regina”

She smiles and kisses her neck. Emma seems to have little control of her rolling hips. “Can I touch you too?” she asks.

Regina swallows “Yes! Is there...can we do that at the same time?” she asks, the logistics clouding her enjoyment for a moment. Emma shifts her balance and mirrors Regina. “I thought you were left handed”

“I am, but not for this” she presses the fabric of Regina’s underwear and rubs, right over her clit. Regina gasps. She rubs again before sliding her fingers under the lace. Regina moans first, right into Emma’s mouth. Her free hand is in Emma’s hair, pulling their lips back together. She tingles all over.

Emma’s breathing is irregular and straining, Regina can feel her trying not to come. Her eyes are open and devouring her. She moans again and Emma holds her breath. She slows her fingers, rubbing wider circles against Emma’s clit, hoping to prolong her enjoyment and she gasps. The heat between their bodies is almost too much. Regina can taste salt on Emma’s skin as she kisses whatever she can reach. She feels Emma’s fingers dip inside her and a new wave of pleasure crashes over her. Emma slides inside her again, two fingers that reach deep and curl to find the right spot. She slides almost all the way out and back in again, slowly. Regina starts to lose the control she had. Her legs shake and she can’t remember how to kiss. Emma’s mouth finds her ear, sucking her lobe and flicking it with her tongue. Regina’s fingers react by picking up the pace on Emma. She feels Emma’s stomach muscles tremor against her. She’s shaking, Emma pushes into her faster, starting to use her thumb to rub her clit.

“Fuck” Regina gasps. Her hand is cramping in the restricted space of Emma’s jeans. Her fingertips feel a little numb but Emma is panting and holding on as long as she can. _She wants us to come together, she wants it to be together,_ she thinks, and that itself if almost enough to undo her. Emma’s hand thrusts harder, Regina pushes back into it. “Open your eyes Emma” she says, shaking all over.

She does and at that moment she sees everything. She sees the love in Emma’s eyes, the desire and vulnerability, but she sees more. Their magic swirls effortlessly around them and Regina sees Emma’s lightest nature, her darkest tendencies, her weaknesses and strengths. She no longer sees the girl whose life she ruined, the threatening saviour, the obstructive sheriff. She sees a beautiful woman, whose bruises and scars make her more so as they are part of her. She sees the mother of her son. Her counterpart. Her equal. A mirror held up to herself where it is her goodness that shines out the most. She sees peace, safety, home. Things she had never known before but recognises immediately now. Emma’s eyes are wide, she must see something similar in the look they share. It is beyond physical, it’s spiritual ecstasy careening a path deep into them both. It seems to last forever and no time at all as it tips them both over the edge of control. 

They gasp and push and roll and shake and cry out each other’s names as they hold each other tightly. They don’t see it but light magic shatters all around them, turning the air into liquid light, shimmering into nothing by the time their eyes open again.

They catch their breath, ravelled up in each other. Exhaustion overcomes Regina and her eyes are harder to keep open.

“You can sleep” Emma says, turning off the lights with an effortless wave of her hand “do you want me to go?”

“No”

Emma pauses “That wasn’t very slow, was it?”

Regina forces her eyes open again in time to catch Emma’s look of disappointment in herself. “Slow can mean whatever you want, sweetheart.” She wonders if they were ever meant for ‘slow’ in the traditional sense. “Especially if right now it means spooning”

“It definitely involves snuggles” Emma says, pulling her jeans off and shifting to be the big spoon.

“I...can’t say that word”

“Snuggles?”

“How about cuddles?” she suggests

“I think it’s proper name is snuggles, Regina. You might have to call it that. I’m pretty sure it’s a proper noun”

“Emma Swan, it is not a proper noun. It’s cuddles or nothing”

“Cuddles” Emma replies immediately as her arm tighten around her. 

Her eyes feel as though someone glued them shut, but she can smell cinnamon and her heart leaps around her chest. _How am I ever going to get to sleep in the arms of Emma Swan?_ she asks herself smiling widely. It’s definitely a bearclaw.

**Author's Note:**

> I missed the 15k words mark by a little bit, hey? Thanks for reading =)


End file.
